


that time of the month

by thunderylee



Category: NewS (Band)
Genre: Asexual Character, Canon Universe, F/M, Foursome - F/M/M/M, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Multi, Phone Sex, Polyamory, Sex-Positive Asexuality, Voyeurism, lame dates, lots of feelings, nakamasu bromance, shower fun, transgender character, unconventional romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-03
Updated: 2019-10-03
Packaged: 2020-11-22 04:35:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 39,926
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20868287
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thunderylee/pseuds/thunderylee
Summary: If Massu could ever put words to his feelings, he wouldn’t know what to do with them all.





	that time of the month

**Author's Note:**

> it's my birthday! 39k for 39 years. i almost set this on fire several times but ended up finishing it and i think my polyam needs are satisfied for at least the rest of the year. maybe.

For the most part, Masuda Takahisa is a carefree, happy-go-lucky person. He doesn’t think too hard about much of anything, and when he does, it’s usually quite simple. He lives in the moment, learning from the past while aiming toward the future, and his mind is usually pleasantly clear.

Unlike Koyama, who worries so much that he has probably developed a lowkey anxiety disorder by now.

Unlike Shige, who spends so much time in his own head that he gets mistaken for rude or spaced-out.

Unlike Tegoshi, who stays busy to ward away the demons that only (s)he can see.

Massu knew at a young age that he wasn’t like most people, at least how he was led to believe most people were programmed to think and feel. While the other teenage boys were looking at girls and saying inappropriate things about their bodies, Massu was admiring their clothes and how fluidly they could dance. Whenever someone asked him about marriage and children, he looked at it from the perspective of someone who wasn’t an idol, someone who wasn’t _him_.

At thirty-three years old, Massu has no desire to do anything except what he has already been doing for over two decades, until he’s too old to do it anymore. The same kind of sparkly everyday is enough to get him out of bed in the morning, keep him taking care of himself and smiling brightly even when everyone around him is down. That’s what he was put on this earth for, and that’s what he does his best toward every day.

In the rare instances he does stop to think about it, he considers himself lucky. If he gets lonely, he can just call up a friend or visit his parents. There’s no room for boredom in his schedule, and even if he ends up with a lot of free time, he can entertain himself. He’s happy alone or with others, at work or in his private time, and there’s nothing he thinks he’s missing out on, regardless of what other life paths cross with his.

“I’m not leaving the group,” Tegoshi announces at the beginning of their monthly member-only meeting, because Koyama gets nervous every time a JE talent decides not to renew their contract and the most recent one had hit too close to home. “I’m still too lazy to go solo and I love being in NEWS.”

“Thanks, Tego,” Koyama says in a small voice. “I know I shouldn’t worry, but...”

“It’s your job to worry, right?” Tegoshi says brightly. “You wouldn’t be a very good leader if you didn’t care what happens to us.”

Koyama looks considerably happier after that, but Shige’s sporting an uncharacteristic frown that has Massu’s natural smile wavering.

“Shige?” Massu prompts him. “Is everything okay?”

Shige starts to give Massu a dirty look, probably for being called out like that, but then Koyama’s eyes widen and Shige addresses him first. “I’m not leaving the group either! I swear!”

“Do we need to go around in a circle?” Massu jokes, doing his job to keep the mood light. “I’m not leaving either.”

They all look at Koyama, who squawks. “Obviously, I’m not leaving!”

“Now that that’s settled,” Massu says pointedly. “What’s on your mind, Shige?”

“Why do we need to schedule a monthly meeting to socialize?” Shige blurts out. “I haven’t felt like more than work acquaintances with any of you lately, and I don’t like it.”

Koyama gasps like Shige had just slapped him in the face. “You’re not my best friend anymore?”

“When was the last time we spent quality time together?” Shige demands. “We go out to eat, but I do that with people I barely know. It’s been over a year since you were in my apartment. You don’t even text me anymore.”

“I don’t want to bother you!” Koyama exclaims, cowering a little under Shige’s accusations. “You’re always so busy and you don’t usually text me back so I stopped!”

“Is this just about Kei-chan?” Tegoshi speaks up. “Because I didn’t think Shige was interested in seeing me outside of work.”

“Not _just_ you,” Shige mutters, and now his face is turning red. “The four of us used to hang out on our own without adding it to an official agenda. Now, I can’t even get one of you to do anything with me if it’s not related to NEWS.”

Massu clears his throat. “Isn’t it just that we’ve been blessed with so many group activities lately that we don’t need anymore time together? We’re not apart long enough to miss each other.”

“Speak for yourself,” Koyama mutters. “I miss you all the time, even when you’re in the same room.”

It kind of feels like Koyama is talking to Massu specifically, but the oldest member is dividing his glances between the other two as well.

“That’s why I got a cat,” he goes on. “Because I’m fucking lonely.”

“I understand that very much,” Tegoshi speaks up, and as if on cue, Emma the poodle barks softly from her place in Tegoshi’s lap.

“Since when are _you_ lacking anyone’s attention?” Shige asks Tegoshi with an eyeroll.

“Since I came out to my friends and they’re all weird around me,” Tegoshi answers, and Shige clamps his mouth shut. “They say they support me, but they don’t get close to me anymore. I haven’t been hugged by anyone except my mother since our tour ended.”

Emma seems to sense what’s coming, jumping to the floor just before Koyama all but hurls himself at Tegoshi, wrapping his arms around Tegoshi’s small body. He squeezes her so tightly that Massu’s ribs hurt just watching them, but all Tegoshi does is inhale deeply, closing her eyes and settling into the strong embrace in a visible representation of touch starvation.

“Thanks, Kei-chan,” she mumbles, though neither of them are quick to pull away.

“Do you want a hug too?” Massu asks Shige, but Shige shakes his head. “What is it that you want from us, then?”

“_Friendship_,” Shige emphasizes. “Give a shit, I don’t know. Right now I feel like the only reason we care about each other is because we work together, and that hurts my heart.”

“Is this about Nishikido-kun?” Tegoshi asks carefully. “Did his announcement trigger some kind of abandonment fear in you?”

“What the hell, no.” Shige makes a face. “It’s not about him or anyone else. It’s about the four of us and how we said eight years ago that we were going to be there for each other and we haven’t been.”

“Did something happen, Shige?” Koyama asks, lifting his face from Tegoshi’s hair to give Shige his attention. “We can’t be there for you if we don’t know that something is wrong.”

“That’s just it!” Shige roars, raising his voice so much that Massu starts. “Why does something have to be wrong for us to want to be around each other?!”

He’s met with silence, and while Massu doesn’t fully understand Shige’s strong feelings on the topic, he definitely feels Shige’s passion and makes the effort to think about why that is.

“We’ve just grown apart, haven’t we?” he tries. “The only thing we really have in common anymore is work, so the only time we would want to be together outside of work is when we need that kind of support from each other.”

“That’s not right,” Shige says at a much more reasonable volume. “I feel like I have to make myself sad in order to get you to care about me, and that’s not healthy.”

“Shige, I _love_ you,” Koyama declares with the air of someone who has said this many times over the years. “You have just made it very clear that you would rather be alone, and that’s okay. I have learned how to be alone too.”

Shige sighs and hangs his head. “You’re not hearing me.”

“What do you want from us, Shige?” Tegoshi asks, repeating Massu’s question in a cuter voice. “When you think about the four of us, in your heart, how are we existing together?”

Massu blinks at the wording and wonders if Tegoshi isn’t reading this a completely different way. His own heart aches a little at the thought, but he doesn’t know why. Massu’s mind isn’t advanced enough to proceed to any kind of evaluation, especially when it comes to topics he knows nothing about.

“We actually use our group chat to _talk_ to each other,” Shige answers immediately, tapping one hand with the other like he was reciting a list he already had stored away in his brain. “We share important news right away instead of waiting until it comes up in interviews or radio shows. We do things together outside of work to further deepen our bond as a group. We _want_ to spend time together, because it’s comfortable and mutually rewarding for all of us. Most importantly, we don’t have to question anyone’s loyalty to the group, because we already know!”

He’s met with silence, Koyama still clinging to Tegoshi while Massu processes all of that. It doesn’t sound that unreasonable, though he has no idea what they would all do together if it wasn’t for work. If it was one on one, he could probably find common ground with each of them, but it’s impossible with four people who are as different as they are.

“Isn’t that like a relationship?” Tegoshi asks seriously, and Massu’s chest constricts again.

“What? No.” Shige scoffs. “It’s just like you to make this about sex.”

“Who said anything about sex?” Tegoshi challenges. “And for the record, I’m not opposed to the idea.”

“You’re not?” Koyama asks in surprise.

Tegoshi shakes her head. “The older I get, the more I realize that traditional monogamy just isn’t for me. Maybe not even traditional relationships. I like what the four of us have together, and I like what Shige is proposing. I am definitely the most comfortable when I’m with any of you.”

The ache in Massu’s heart is joined with a warmth that spreads out throughout his whole body. “I didn’t know you felt that way toward me,” he admits.

Tegoshi laughs. “Honestly? Massu has protected me for over half of my life. Nothing can hurt me when you’re around.”

“I haven’t treated you any special way...” Massu trails off, feeling sheepish for one of the few times in his memory.

“That’s exactly it,” Tegoshi explains. “You see me as an equal, as someone who is deserving of the same respect and dignity as anyone else in your eyes. Even when I came out to you, you said nothing would change, and it hasn’t. It’s not easy for me to trust people, but you have never given me a reason not to trust you.”

“Do you trust me too?” Koyama asks, and Tegoshi nods.

“Shige too. That’s why I am willing to see what happens if we try to have a group relationship. But we need to recognize that’s what it is. We all have to be on the same page.”

Right now, Massu thinks he’s in a completely different book in another library across the galaxy. On the surface, he knows that they’re discussing being something _more_ than they already are, but the concept of actually doing it is breaking Massu’s brain. He’s not programmed for this kind of extensive thinking.

“I don’t understand,” he says out loud. “We’re not even attracted to each other, are we?”

“Oh, Massu,” Tegoshi replies in her usual condescending tone that is more familiar right now than irritating. “Attraction takes many forms, doesn’t it? Especially since it’s our _jobs_ to be physically attractive. I don’t know about you, but I yearn for something more.”

“I think you’re all gorgeous,” Koyama says outright, and Massu feels that warmth again. “That’s not why I’m drawn to you though. I see good-looking people all the time. This is so much deeper than that.”

“I...” Shige starts, and the other three return their attention to find the one who had started this whole thing looking like he’s been punched in the gut and dropped in the middle of the Hunger Games arena all at once. “I want to be mad at Tegoshi for completely twisting my words, but...in a way, she’s right.”

“Of course I am,” Tegoshi says with a big, facetious grin.”I’ve known you since we were kids, Shige. I know _you_. You’re attracted to intelligence and personality above all else, and to be honest, I’m happy to be one of the people your heart is reaching out for. I really didn’t think you liked me at all, even as a friend.”

Shige tries to bury his face in his hands, but he’s not fast enough to cover the blush spreading across his cheeks. “It’s _not_ about sex,” he repeats, sounding like he’s trying to convince himself as well as everyone else.

“No, it’s not,” Tegoshi says gently. “But it’s okay if that happens. At least with me.”

It’s almost comical how wide Shige’s eyes are as they lift from his hands, and Massu has to try really hard not to laugh. His amusement has to show on his face, but Shige’s too busy staring in awe (or something like it) at Tegoshi to notice.

“I’m not too sure what’s happening here,” Koyama confesses, and Massu’s relieved to not be the only one. “Are we just going to hang out more, or are we becoming some kind of polyamorous quad?”

“Do we have to pick one or the other?” Tegoshi counter-asks. “If there’s one thing I’ve learned from being part of the trans community, it’s that there are a million different ways to connect with people. Romantic, sexual relationships isn’t all there is. As long as everyone is happy and gets what they want out of it, however they interact with each other is fine.”

Her explanation seems to calm Shige down, though that makes Massu even more curious about what’s going on in that one’s head. He figures Shige’s mind to be like a traffic intersection with information going every which way, moving super fast but somehow not crashing into each other. Just imagining it makes Massu’s brain hurt.

“Massu, what do you think?” Tegoshi’s voice breaks through his concentration, and now Massu’s the one with wide eyes. “Would you be willing to open up to us a little bit?”

Another interesting choice of words. Massu supposes it’s accurate, since he’s known for being a private person and not sharing much of his personal business. What they don’t know is that’s only because there’s not really anything to tell.

He shrugs. “Sure,” he agrees easily. “I’m willing to give it a try.”

Both Koyama and Shige give him a shocked look, for good reason as he would be the most likely out of all of them to be opposed to something like this, but Tegoshi just beams. Massu’s still thinking about how strongly she feels toward him and isn’t sure what to do about it, only that he has an urge to embrace her as well.

Then Tegoshi claps her hands together and pulls him from his own thoughts yet again. “Let’s take the next month to think about it, shall we?” she suggests. “We can try using the group chat for things other than work, and maybe hang out in pairs if we have the time. Then when we meet like this again, we can decide what we want to do with each other.”

“I don’t have much going on right now,” Koyama says slowly, and Tegoshi squeezes him before he can frown too hard. “Shige, do you want to come over for dinner sometime soon? I’ve been learning how to cook.”

Shige lights up in a way that Massu hasn’t seen in quite a while. “I’d like that.”

“In that case,” Massu speaks up. “I’d like to invite Tegoshi out, but I’m not sure where.”

Tegoshi grins at him. “Anywhere Massu wants to take me will be fine!”

It kind of feels like she had just agreed to go on a date with him, which he belatedly realizes is exactly what he’d asked her to do. He tries to think about it later, when he’s home and cleaning up for the night, but there isn’t much to figure out. They want to spend more time with each other, so they are.

He’d probably be more concerned if he didn’t feel so damn warm and cozy whenever he thought about it.

*

Autumn has arrived early this year, but all that means is that Tegoshi’s atrocious outfits are somewhat covered by an old Tegomasu tour hoodie. For someone who’s so adamant about being seen as a woman, she doesn’t make much of an effort to be feminine.

“Can I take you shopping?” Massu asks, and Tegoshi makes an adorable conflicted face. “I won’t get anything, I promise.”

Tegoshi continues to look skeptical. Massu doesn’t blame her; the last time they had gone shopping together, Tegoshi ended up asleep in the changing room chair while Massu kept trying on the same two pairs of pants. That was five years ago, but Massu’s still just as indecisive judging by the mountain of clothes he’d gone through while getting dressed for their date.

“Okay,” Tegoshi finally says, twirling her keys on one finger as they head toward her car. “I haven’t bought clothes in at least a year, so I suppose I’m overdue for some new things.”

Massu tries not to gape too much as he lets himself in on the passenger side. They are definitely different people when it comes to fashion. “What kind of clothes do you like to wear these days?”

Tegoshi shrugs as she starts the car and checks her mirrors to pull out into the street. “What I usually wear, I guess. Girl clothes are cute and all but _so_ uncomfortable.” She pauses. “Are you disappointed?”

“What? No.” Massu gives her a strange look. “Why would I be disappointed?”

“Because you want me to look like a girl?” Tegoshi replies casually, and Massu nearly short-circuits at the accusation. “It’s okay, Massu. You wouldn’t be the first. I already had to explain to Kei-chan a couple years ago that just because I identify this way doesn’t mean I’m going to dress up like I did for our concerts back then. In fact, this is why I _stopped_ doing that. It felt exploitative.”

Massu stares at her. “I don’t know what to say to that.”

“You don’t have to say anything.” Tegoshi flashes him a smile as she merges into traffic. “Just look at me as a girl who doesn’t care about clothes.”

“I already do,” Massu says slowly, and Tegoshi reaches over to squeeze his hand. It feels nice, but it doesn’t last very long before she pulls it back to drive properly. Massu immediately regrets suggesting that they go shopping, because it’s not like they can just hold hands in the mall like other dating couples do.

It’s easy for his brain to switch to fashion mode when they enter the first store, all other urges sidelined for the time being. Tegoshi just stands there in amusement while Massu loads her up with shirts and pants from both gendered sections that she had seemed mildly interested in wearing, then scrutinizes them from every angle when she tries them on.

“Massu, this feels like work,” Tegoshi whines after the third or fourth store. She’d found a few things she liked enough to buy, not resisting one bit when Massu insisted on paying for them. “As much as I like having you look at me, I’d prefer if you weren’t focused on whether my outfit matches or not.”

“We can stop,” Massu offers, slowing to a halt when Tegoshi flops down onto the nearest bench. “What do you want to do?”

“I want to go to the arcade and _shoot _something,” Tegoshi says bluntly, then laughs as she lifts her eyes to Massu. “That’s probably not something you want to do, huh?”

“Can’t you shoot things at home?” Massu asks. “Arcades are so _loud_.”

“I just have a lot of energy,” Tegoshi explains, and Massu notices her leg shaking where she sits. “I feel like I could run around the whole mall.”

“So, let’s do it,” Massu suggests, and Tegoshi cocks her head questioningly. “I’ll race you. Loser has to do whatever the winner wants for an hour.”

Both of Tegoshi’s eyebrows rise into her hairline. “A whole hour?”

“Yeah,” Massu says, feeling ornery as he drags both Tegoshi and her bags toward the exit. “Let’s put these in the car and do it outside. The weather is too nice to run indoors.”

Tegoshi’s still in disbelief as they take their marks in front of her car, but she’s not one to back down from a challenge. She takes off while Massu maintains a steady speed, not wanting to exhaust too early, and sure enough he approaches her already starting to stumble before they’re even halfway around the building.

“What, are you out of shape?” Massu teases, breath barely heaving while Tegoshi’s drenched in sweat and gasping for air. “I thought all that soccer was supposed to keep your stamina high.”

“I’ll show you stamina,” Tegoshi huffs, and Massu laughs out loud as she struggles to keep him from passing her.

“Whatever will I have you do for an hour?” Massu wonders out loud, jogging backwards for a few seconds just to be a dick, and Tegoshi’s even cuter when she’s glaring at him and trying to breathe at the same time. “You’re not good at backrubs, and even worse at cleaning.”

“Too bad you don’t like sex,” Tegoshi gasps out. “I’m a great lay.”

“Would an hour even be enough time for that?” Massu muses. “Who said I don’t like sex anyway?”

“Aren’t you asexual?” Tegoshi asks. “I distinctly remember you mentioning how that label fit you when Shige taught us the new letters of LGBT awhile back.”

“That doesn’t mean I don’t like sex,” Massu tells her. “It just means I don’t look at people with that kind of intention. I like sex just fine. But probably not after all of this running.”

“Yeah, definitely not,” Tegoshi agrees, and all at once she slumps to the ground.

Massu stops in his tracks and leans down to check on her, but she hops up and darts past him, getting a good lead by the time Massu catches up.

“Cheater!” he yells.

Tegoshi blows him a kiss over her shoulder before sprinting ahead, seeming to get a second wind now that they’re approaching the finish line. There isn’t an actual line of course, but Tegoshi’s car is in sight and they had agreed that the first person to reach it won. Massu’s running with all of his might now, because he hates to lose as much as Tegoshi does, and he nearly dives across the parking lot to touch the bumper a half-second before Tegoshi smacks right into her trunk.

“_Ow_,” she moans, clutching her side as she falls to the ground again, and this time she stays long enough for Massu to help her up. “I can’t believe you beat me.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t make you spend another hour shopping,” Massu says, and Tegoshi snorts. “Is all of your energy out now?”

Tegoshi nods slowly as they get back into the car. “Whatever you want me to do will have to wait until after I’ve had a nap.” She wipes her face with the hoodie and frowns. “And a shower.”

“Honestly, I just want to hold your hand,” Massu tells her, and she turns to give him a surprised look. “I liked the way it felt earlier, and I wish I hadn’t suggested we go shopping so we could do it without worrying about other people seeing us.”

Tegoshi smiles in a way that tugs at Massu’s heart. “You’re adorable. Of course we can hold hands. After I go home and shower. Do you mind waiting for me?”

“Not at all,” Massu answers. “I could probably use a rinse too. Shall we meet at my place then?”

“Ooh, I get to see the elusive Masuda Takahisa’s personal living space!” Tegoshi says sarcastically. “That only took sixteen years.”

Massu rolls his eyes and starts to retort, but then Tegoshi’s hand grabs for his and he forgets what he was going to say. It’s a pleasant feeling, then as well as later when they’re both clean and curled up on Massu’s couch watching a music show on TV. They’re enjoying each other’s closeness for the first time off camera, fingers laced together with Tegoshi’s head on Massu’s shoulder.

“Your heartbeat is so slow,” Tegoshi murmurs, snuggling closer as if to hear it better. “How are you so calm?”

“Nothing to be nervous about, I guess,” Massu replies.

Tegoshi makes a noncommittal noise and squeezes his hand. It feels nice.

*

For as calm as Massu is, Koyama is not. Massu expected as much, but he’s not sure how to handle it without physically sitting on Koyama to keep him from wringing his hands and glancing from side to side like something was going to jump out of the wall and bite him.

“Are you sure this is okay?” Koyama asks him for the umpteenth time. “We can do something else if you don’t want to be here.”

Massu thinks that Koyama is the one who is doesn’t want to be here, but he keeps that opinion to himself. “I’m fine, Koyama-kun,” he says politely, hands folded neatly in his lap as they wait to be seated. “I’m hungry, so a restaurant is exactly where I want to be.”

He smiles for effect, which seems to lower Koyama’s blood pressure a little. They’re at a fancy fondue place that Nakamaru had recommended, all dim lights and private tables. Massu had dressed up for the occasion, purposely wearing one of the outfits that Koyama had bought him after a photoshoot as a birthday present, and so far Koyama has been too preoccupied to notice.

Koyama looks like he could be an office manager in a suit and tie, but Massu likes the wholesome aesthetic. It’s not often that Massu recognizes the age difference between them, which seems to grow smaller as they get older, and for a few moments he entertains the thought of them as regular salarymen meeting for dinner after work, the chatty senpai treating the more reserved kouhai.

“Massu looks happy,” Koyama comments, his relief showing on his face. “What are you thinking about?”

“You,” Massu answers easily, and Koyama actually shuts up for the first time since they got here.

Then they’re seated and Koyama starts up again, leading a one-sided discussion about all of the different combinations they could make with many types of fondue and dippers. Massu lets him go, scanning the menu while listening to Koyama’s preferences, and when the server arrives to take their order, Massu points to the four course meal for two and picks two of the meats Koyama had mentioned for their entrees.

“You match well with me,” Koyama says after the server leaves, and Massu tilts his head inquisitively. “I mean,” he backpedals. “I’m all over the place, and you’re...still.”

“You make me feel like the most relaxed person alive,” Massu tells him, because it’s true.

Koyama smiles, and Massu’s heart does that twitching thing again. “I just want you to have a good time with me. We never go out, just the two of us.”

“We don’t really have much in common,” Massu admits. “But if there’s food involved, I usually have a good time.”

“I’ll keep that in mind,” Koyama says, his eyes lighting up as the shiny bowl of cheese fondue is placed between them.

Massu’s so mesmerized at the series of emotions on Koyama’s face that Koyama has already dipped two chunks of bread and a carrot by the time Massu remembers that he should be eating too. That alone should tell him something, but the only thing going through his mind is blissful peace and happiness from delicious food and pleasant company.

Koyama talks the whole time, but Massu doesn’t mind listening. He hears about Koyama’s family and how big his niece has gotten—he’ll see pictures once Koyama’s hands are clean enough to touch his phone screen. Koyama can tell the most boring story with a flourish that has people hanging off his every word, and Massu is no different.

“I tried to cook for Shige the other day,” Koyama tells him, then stops abruptly. “Do you want to hear about that?”

“Sure,” Massu replies. “Was it a disaster?”

“Surprisingly, no,” Koyama answers, and Massu lifts his eyebrows in mild shock. “I cut myself a few times because my hands were shaking, but then Shige took over chopping the vegetables and I felt like a failure until he told me that my nervousness just showed how much I wanted to be with him and it made him feel good.”

“There’s one way to look at it,” Massu comments. “I feel similarly.”

Koyama grins. “Good, because I don’t think I can turn it off. Anyway, we ate and watched anime and wrestled until we found a cuddle position that works for both of us. Apparently, we both like to be spoiled.”

Massu laughs. That’s not the first time that has happened, though it’s been a very long time since those two would argue over who was going to pet whose hair while lounging on someone’s couch. “That’s cute.”

“Yeah.” Koyama’s cheeks turn pink. “I’m really happy we’re all getting closer. I love my cat, but having people to love is better.”

“I took Tegoshi shopping last week,” Massu volunteers, and Koyama’s attention perks. “We raced around the mall and I won, then we held hands and watched TV.”

Koyama makes a squealing noise that’s usually reserved for their fans, but it’s quiet enough to stay within their secluded booth. “Ah, that makes me so happy! That’s weird, right? I really like hearing about the two of you having a good time together. Shige told me about his home date with Tegoshi and made fun of me for becoming so invested.”

“What would they even do together cooped up inside?” Massu wonders out loud, then realizes the obvious answer and shakes his head. “Ah, never mind.”

Koyama laughs. “Yeah, they made out a bit, but that wasn’t all they did. They played with Emma and had some kind of video game tournament, then Shige put on a movie he thought Tegoshi might like and Tegoshi promptly fell asleep.”

“That sounds like her,” Massu says, and they both nod. “I’m glad we’re all seeking each other out individually while we decide what we want to be to each other.”

“How else would we know?” Koyama asks, and now it’s Massu’s turn to shrug. “Tegoshi and I are going to try introducing our pets next week and see how that goes. I think Milk is big enough to hold her own with Emma now, so it shouldn’t be too scary for either of them.”

“Good luck with that.” Massu thinks about what pairing that leaves. “I should reach out to Shige, shouldn’t I? But he and I were already good friends. That is, we used to hang out a lot. There was one year where I saw him more in my private time than I saw Nakamaru.”

“Not so much anymore though, huh?” Koyama says gently, and Massu nods solemnly. “Definitely invite him out, and I mean out_side_. He needs some vitamin D or he’s gonna get cranky.”

Massu figures that Koyama the health show host knows what he’s talking about and simply agrees. “Did you already want to do something like this with us before Tegoshi brought it up?”

The question just kind of slips out, but Massu owns it and watches Koyama expectantly while the other man sputters a bit before answering. “Yes. I don’t really understand the difference between platonic and romantic love, so I usually end up developing some kind of feelings for people I spend a lot of time with. I’ve spent so long with the three of you that it’s become a default setting.”

“It’s not reciprocated though, right?” Massu asks with a frown.

“Sometimes it is,” Koyama answers. “Tegoshi is usually very affectionate with me, and Shige as a best friend satisfies most of my emotional needs. I’m not very close with you, but you are very devoted to NEWS and the well-being of its members, so it’s enough to have an ally.”

Massu’s frown melts away. “What about physical needs?”

“Tegoshi is _very_ affectionate,” Koyama repeats, giving Massu a pointed look over the fondue pot. “I don’t need that all the time anyway. Hugs and cuddles are intimate too, sometimes more than sex. You know?”

“Yeah,” Massu says. “I get it.”

They’re on the last course now, both of them still going strong with their bottomless stomachs and sweet tooths. The chocolate fondue has Massu feeling even more comfortable, content to say what’s on his mind without a filter.

“I think I’m gonna do it.” He nods while Koyama looks confused. “With the three of you. A group relationship.”

“Really?” Koyama squeals again, and this time Massu doesn’t care if it’s loud or not. “Tegoshi already said she’s down, so that leaves Shige. He didn’t seem convinced that we weren’t all out to get him into bed when I tried to explain the many different facets of polyamory.”

Massu laughs. “Leave him to me.”

“Good luck,” Koyama says with a laugh, though Massu feels his apprehension later that night in their good-bye hug that lasts much longer than it really should. Luckily, neither of them mind too much.

*

“Ah, the fish don’t like me today,” Massu comments as he peers over the edge of the little boat at the still water. “Maybe it’s the bait?”

“I think it’s just a bad time of the year,” Shige says from where he’s straddling the next seat, staring out into the empty lake at nothing in particular. “I didn’t think you cared for fishing.”

“It’s something to do, right?” Massu replies with a shrug, and Shige gives a short nod. “Besides, it’s something _you_ like to do, and it gives us an opportunity to hang out and talk without any kind of pressure.”

That has Shige laughing, his face split in his usual smile, and Massu smiles automatically in response. As the two natural smilers of the group, they often infect each other like that.

“I suppose that’s true,” is all Shige says.

“And I told Koyama I would get you out of the house,” Massu adds. Shige laughs again. “He said you needed some vitamin D.”

That has Shige shaking his head. “That doesn’t mean what you think it means.”

“What does it—” Massu stops short, frowning as he considers Koyama’s penchant for perverted jokes. “But he said he wanted me to take you outside!”

“I bet he did,” Shige says flatly.

“Well, I’m not about to do it on a boat,” Massu says, making a face, and Shige squeezes his eyes shut. “It doesn’t smell that great out here either. I can’t get in the mood when it smells bad.”

“You say that like you can get in the mood ever,” Shige says. “Aren’t you asexual?”

“Aren’t you the one who introduced me to that term?” Massu shoots back. “Attraction and desire are not the same thing. It’s like being really hungry and not craving any specific kind of food. If it’s tasty, I’ll eat it.”

Then Shige whines so loudly that Massu hears it echoed around them in the lake. “You were supposed to be the safe one!”

Massu glances over to find Shige’s head in his arms. “The safe one?”

“The one I could be with like this without worrying about things escalating that way,” Shige explains, resting his head on his arms and giving Massu a pitiful look like this physically pained him to say. “I’ve had so many relationships ruined by sex that I just want to exist with someone without those complications, you know? It’s not that I don’t want to do it, I just don’t want it to _define_ us.”

“I don’t really understand what you just said,” Massu says honestly, “but if it makes you feel any better, I’m probably not going to ask for it. So, I’m still the safe one.”

Shige takes a deep breath, then scrunches up his nose. “It really does smell out here.”

“Not sexy at all,” Massu agrees, and they share a laugh. “Have you talked to Koyama or Tegoshi about your aversion to having sex with us?”

“Koyama already knows,” Shige answers. “This isn’t a new development. With Tegoshi...she’s so carefree that it might be okay. More like a fun activity to do together than a testament of any permanent feelings.”

“I get that from her too,” Massu says. “I think that as long as we’re open and honest with each other about what we want, it doesn’t matter what we end up doing together. Isn’t the point of all of this to connect with each other however it happens? Sex is just one way to connect with someone.”

“You being the one to say that...” Shige trails off, shaking his head again. “Haven’t you had any bad experiences because you aren’t attracted to people that way?”

“Of course I have,” Massu scoffs. “That isn’t going to stop me from doing what feels good. The three of you already know how I am, and it’s not like you’re gonna dump me if I don’t want to do it, so it’s fine.”

Shige stares at him. “I wish I could be as calm as you are about this. I keep thinking of everything that can go _wrong_.”

“Because you’re used to outlining stories and deciding for yourself what is going to happen,” Massu tells him. “You can’t control real life and the uncertainty is scary because you are used to knowing how things will end. For me, the uncertainty is what’s comforting, because literally anything is possible and I don’t have to have it all figured out right now. All I have to do is be me, and what happens happens. It’s the most simple thing in the world.”

“You’re right,” Shige says slowly. “I wish I had talked to you about this years ago.”

“I wish you had too.” Massu offers an empathetic smile. “But if I had bestowed my asexual wisdom upon you back then, you might have already found someone you are compatible with and committed to them, and we wouldn’t be sitting on a boat right now seriously discussing having group sex with our bandmates.”

Shige laughs out loud. “Can you imagine? All four of us with our strong personalities...it would be the biggest mess ever.”

“You don’t know that,” Massu points out. “And I can’t imagine it at all, which only means that I won’t have any expectations going into it.”

“Imagination creates expectations...” Shige draws out. “Wow, I never thought about it that way before.”

“The point is _not_ to think about it,” Massu tries, but he already knows that this is a lost cause with this one. “Shall we give up on the fish and go somewhere else? I think we’ve gotten enough vitamin D for today.”

“Probably.” Shige frowns at his fishing rod, shaking it like that will suddenly make a fish want to eat his lure. “Sorry this was so boring.”

“Just the opposite,” Massu counters. “The lake is peaceful, and the conversation was stimulating to say the least. I could have done without the smell, but hopefully it won’t stick to our clothes.”

“It shouldn’t,” Shige assures him with a grin.

They go to the aquarium because it’s appropriate. Since it’s a weekend, the place is overrun with other couples on dates, and Massu’s amused to find that just about everyone he observes is either visibly nervous, trying too hard to be cool, or completely ignoring their companion.

Meanwhile, Shige knows a lot about fish, and he’s happy to share his knowledge with Massu as they walk around together. It’s cute how excited Shige gets when he’s well-informed on a topic, and even though Massu doesn’t care about the different types of fish and how they live, he’s an avid listener. In another life, Shige would have been a great teacher, encouraging his students to learn just by speaking passionately on a topic.

“What are you smiling for?” Shige interrupts his own monologue to ask suddenly. “I am literally telling you that this species will eat their young if you don’t separate them after birth.”

“Can’t a guy just smile while out on a date?” Massu teases. “You look so happy when you’re lecturing me.”

“I’m not—” Shige starts, then huffs when Massu laughs. “Fine, I’ll shut up.”

“I don’t want you to shut up,” Massu says, nudging him discreetly with an elbow. “I like listening to you talk. Your voice is very soothing to me. And I don’t have to respond. I can just walk around with you and enjoy the fish without trying to make conversation.”

Shige looks like he wants to keep frowning, but his urge to smile is too strong. “Okay. As long as you’re having a good time.”

“I think I could have a good time doing anything with you,” Massu says without thinking, speaking directly from his heart, and Shige’s tension seems to visibly fade before his eyes.

Then he’s whisked away to the octopus section, where he makes a great tentacle porn joke that has Shige nearly hitting the floor from shock, and Massu finds satisfaction in the way Shige shudders whenever he makes eye contact with Massu for the rest of the day. If Shige hadn’t been completely opposed to the idea, Massu might have found the right mood to continue his teasing in a more private place, but instead he suggests they finish off their fish-themed date with sushi and all too soon Shige’s dropping him off in front of his building.

“I want to invite you in, but...” Massu trails off.

Shige laughs. “I want to come in, but...”

“I can stop anything from happening between us, if that’s the only thing that’s keeping you from hanging out longer,” Massu says seriously.

“Not this time,” Shige says gently, and Massu nods his understanding. “If it’s okay with you though, I’d like to kiss you good night.”

Massu considers their dark surroundings and how far they’re parked from the door of his building. Neither of these have anything to do with actually kissing Shige, and once Massu realizes this, he gives his consent. “Go ahead.”

Shige’s hand is soft on his jaw, cradling his face as he leans in to brush their lips together, and Massu feels something that up until this very second he thought had been made up for romcoms and other media depicting couples who were first getting together. It surprises him enough to gasp, which has Shige pulling back in concern until Massu grabs his arm and kisses him back, hard, sliding their mouths together until he feels a flick of tongue and nearly loses his balance while sitting down.

“Okay, okay,” Shige rushes to say, tearing his mouth away to pant against Massu’s shoulder. “How can you kiss like that and not want to go straight to bed?”

“Not gonna lie, I do kind of want to,” Massu confesses, his own breath running away from him as he struggles to remember which way is up, not at all helped along by Shige’s pitiful whine. “I respect that you don’t though. I’ll just take care of it when I get upstairs and be fine.”

“You’re not supposed to tell me that!” Shige exclaims, and even in the dark Massu can see that his face is bright red. “Please go before I change my mind.”

“It’s okay that you feel this way, Shige,” Massu tells him, pressing a quick kiss to his cheek before making his way out of the car. “I don’t mind that you want me, and I’m sorry it’s such a bad feeling to you.”

He walks away and shuffles awkwardly toward his apartment without looking back, amused that he’s the one who was turned down for once.

*

Nakamaru stares at him for so long that Massu starts to wonder if his best friend had frozen solid. He pokes Nakamaru in the arm, but that only serves to make the other man blink repeatedly like clearing his vision would make the words he had just been told easier to digest.

“You...” Nakamaru repeats, looking like a visible representation of a machine overloading. “And them. Together?”

“Probably,” Massu answers. “We’re taking time to think about it and go out with each other separately before addressing it as a group.”

“Have you already gone out with all of them separately?” Nakamaru asks, and Massu nods. “What did you even do together?”

Massu happily recounts his three dates in order, enjoying how Nakamaru’s face takes on a gradual progression of scandalized shock as he goes on. When he gets to his good-night kiss with Shige, complete with accompanying feelings, Nakamaru seems to shut down right in front of him.

“Who are you and what did you do with my asexual best friend?”

“You too?” Massu sighs. “Google it already.”

“You just never seemed interested in dating anyone,” Nakamaru goes on. “We were alike that way.”

Massu pauses as he realizes the real reason Nakamaru’s taken aback by the news. “Nothing is changing, Yuichi. The four of us are going to continue existing as we are, just a little closer than before. Despite everything we’ve been through together, we’ve managed to grow apart and none of us like that very much. We need to at least try to do this to be the best version of NEWS we can be.”

That has Nakamaru calming down a bit, nodding as he follows along. “So, it’s not actually a romantic relationship?”

“I mean, it might be.” Massu shrugs. “Do we need to decide that right now?”

“I suppose not.” Nakamaru frowns in a way that hurts Massu’s heart. “As long as you’re happy.”

“I am,” Massu assures him, flashing a smile for effect. It works, eliciting a small one from Nakamaru as well. “I enjoy spending time with all of them individually, and I’m excited to see what happens when all four of us are together next week for our monthly members-only meeting.”

“You actually schedule a meeting every month to socialize?” Nakamaru asks, and now his frown is sympathetic. “So much for Koyama’s member love movement.”

Massu laughs. “Most of that was scripted anyway. It’s easy to pretend when we’re young, isn’t it? Somewhere along the line, we just stopped trying. We still play around in front of the cameras, but that’s all it is. Saying it out loud now, I realize how sad that sounds.”

“I guess I can’t really relate,” Nakamaru says slowly. “Kame and Ueda are like my brothers—KAT-TUN has always had that kind of feeling, right? We may not always get along, but we support each other unconditionally no matter what. Individuals working toward a common goal, to quote Koki. I don’t think we’ve ever had to force anything between us. How we feel about each other, how we act together, it’s all real.”

Nodding, Massu tilts his head in thought. “I wonder if we just tried too hard back then. More than once, we thought that was it for us, we would be disbanded and split up to do whatever the old man had in store for us. So, we gave it everything we had, and now that things are more stable, we’ve gotten...lazy? No, that’s not the right word. We’re not lazy at all.”

“Is it that you take each other for granted?” Nakamaru asks. “There’s no reason to make an effort to win over people you see everyday, right? You know they’re going to be there, and you trust that they’re going to do their best for NEWS, so all of the group bonding and motivation isn’t really necessary anymore.”

“Yeah, something like that.” Massu frowns at being unable to get his feelings out. “Koyama said that he missed us when we were in the same room, and that really stayed with me. Like an old married couple who just exist together every day without any kind of emotional connection. We’re rekindling our spark, or something.”

“From the sound of things, you’re igniting the spark for the first time.” Nakamaru gives him a knowing look, and Massu already knows he’s about to get a well-meant warning before Nakamaru continues. “Don’t let it catch fire, or everything you’ve worked so hard for will go up in flames.”

“I’ll be careful,” Massu promises. “It helps now that we’re older and calmer—for the most part. None of us are rushing to meet any kind of life milestone and we all have our own business going on. And NEWS is our number one priority. Even if it doesn’t end up as a full-blown romantic relationship, we’ll be _something_ beyond colleagues to each other, and that’s good enough for me.”

Nakamaru smiles. “Then I wish you all of the happiness in the world.”

A rush of feeling encompasses Massu at that, one that he can’t really define but leaves him full of _something_. Moved, maybe. It’s so strong that he can’t speak right away, but Nakamaru seems to leave him to his thoughts and takes the opportunity to feed his dogs. He returns with two beers and Massu gratefully accepts one, giving his brain a break from anymore thinking tonight. He’s already pushed it past its limits.

That doesn’t stop him from summarizing his conversation in the group chat later when he gets home. He’s tipsy enough to type it all out in an attempt to clear his mind before going to sleep, adding some positive comments like how much he’s looking forward to their next members-only meeting and how relieved he is that they didn’t let things go completely stale between them.

_Are you drunk?_ Tegoshi responds almost immediately. _You are never this thoughtful_.

_I might have had a few_, Massu admits. _But I mean everything I said._

Koyama sends an entire row of sobbing emojis and hearts in their member colors, then adds, _Thank you for sharing your feelings with us. _

A minute passes without another typing bubble, so Massu figures that Shige has already gone to sleep and gets ready for bed himself. He’s scrolling through his itinerary for tomorrow when he gets a message notification, staring at the characters for a good while before they make the journey from his heart to his brain.

_What you just typed means more to me than anything you could do to my body_.

That strong feeling surfaces again, and this time he knows it’s because Shige’s confession has touched him somewhere deep. He doesn’t know what to say to that, or if he even needs to say anything. Naturally, Tegoshi and Koyama have to tease Shige about his choice of words, and Massu watches their chat scroll by until his eyelids feel too heavy to continue reading.

He falls asleep enveloped by that warm, safe sensation that he’s convinced can be nothing other than love.

*

Tegoshi’s apartment still looks like a nineteen-year-old boy lives there, and somehow that’s comforting. At least she’s upgraded her furniture in the past twelve years, though it’s covered in blankets and dog hair.

She’s also a horrible host, but that is to be expected. Koyama seems to know his way around her kitchen well enough, offering to make tea and even filling Emma’s water bowl when he notices that it’s empty. He’s probably trying to stay busy to keep his nerves under control, which Tegoshi immediately notices and gives him a back hug. For everything that she lacks in manners, she makes up for in perception.

It’s the first time they’ve conducted one of these meetings at someone’s home, and it’s only a little awkward while they find their seats and get started. Tegoshi has a wrap-around sectional couch and her gaming recliner, so Massu had chosen the corner where he can see everyone while they talk. Shige takes the cushion next to Massu and Tegoshi navigates Koyama to Massu’s other side, too close and not close enough at the same time.

“I don’t know what I want to do with you all,” Massu blurts out, “but I want to do a lot of it.”

Shige laughs, his cheeks flushing a bit as he struggles to make eye contact. “I feel similarly.”

“Yay~” Tegoshi cheers, reaching for Massu’s hand to lace their fingers together while she holds a fidgety Koyama in her lap like a overgrown dog. “I’m so happy.”

“So, what happens now?” Koyama asks, his voice wavering so much that Massu’s starting to feel anxious by proxy. “What are we going to do with each other at this new level of closeness?”

Tegoshi’s face plainly says she knows exactly what she wants to do with all of them, while Shige’s is adamantly trying _not_ to show it. Massu considers the three different types of tension facing him and figures there’s really only one place to go from here.

“I’d like to be more affectionate with you all,” he declares, and naturally he gets three varying looks of surprise in response. “And if I have to explain how asexuality works one more time, I’m going to show you all how sex-averse I’m _not_ right here on Tegoshi’s couch.”

Predictably, Shige whines, pushing his fists into his eyes like if he can’t see it, it doesn’t exist. “Don’t say things like that!”

Massu laughs and reaches out to poke Shige in the arm. “I’m not going to jump you, dude. Can you really not be close to me without thinking about that?”

Shige’s silence speaks more than words, and Massu can’t decide whether to be flattered or offended.

“Here, take Kei-chan,” Tegoshi interjects, all but shoving Koyama the short distance to Shige’s lap. He lands with an _oof_ from both parties, but Shige looks considerably happier with the familiarity and Massu tries not to be too bummed out about it.

“Shige needs time to get accustomed to Massu’s willingness to do those kinds of things with us,” Koyama says gently, resting his hand on Massu’s arm in a comforting gesture. “Someday he will be able to touch you without getting overwhelmed, but probably not tonight. Please be patient with him.”

Shige makes a face that clearly disapproves of someone else speaking for him when he’s right there, but he doesn’t refute any of what was said.

“Take all the time you need,” Massu says directly to Shige, who gives him a small smile and a firm nod. “Will someone please cuddle with me though?”

“Never fear!” Tegoshi exclaims, dive-bombing onto Massu so suddenly that Massu chokes on his air. “Tegoshi Yuuko is here for all of your touching needs.”

Massu rolls his eyes, but his arms automatically wrap around the small body that settles neatly across his lap. Tegoshi usually smells nice without trying, a fruity conditioner or vanilla lotion attracting Massu’s senses in a way he doesn’t understand, just that hugging Tegoshi and breathing in her scent makes him feel really good.

“You two are adorable together,” Koyama’s voice floats through Massu’s bliss. “Maybe we can just do this today? Make physical contact and get used to being close to each other this way.”

“That’s a good idea,” Massu agrees, and to his surprise Shige’s the one who scoots toward him. “Don’t force it, Shige.”

“We’ll use Koyama as a buffer,” Shige says, shoving Koyama between them. “I don’t think he’ll mind.”

“I’m a buffer!” Koyama exclaims happily as he wriggles between the two bodies. He slides his palm up and down Massu’s forearm in a way that Massu finds both soothing and stimulating. “Is this okay, Massu?”

“Yeah,” Massu answers. He takes a deep breath and relaxes even more with both Tegoshi and Koyama weighing him down. “This is comfortable.”

“I have to know,” Tegoshi says, the minimal bass in her voice vibrating Massu’s shoulder. “Massu, do you even _want _to have sex with Shige?”

“Not right now,” Massu answers honestly. Shige snorts.

“I mean in general,” Tegoshi clarifies.

“I can only speak for how I feel at this moment in time,” Massu tells her. “The other day when he and I kissed, I could have probably done more, but I can’t say for sure since he was so against it. If he doesn’t want to do it, neither do I.”

“It’s that easy to control?” Koyama asks, and Massu nods. “Ah, I guess you are asexual after all.”

“You’re not the one who gets to decide that!” Massu declares, and the other three laugh. “Honestly, I’m grateful that I can look past my lust and appreciate any kind of connection with others. I don’t know what it’s like to be allo, but I imagine that being inundated by sexual attraction all the time isn’t very fun.”

“It’s not,” Shige speaks up. “I feel like a pervert. For me, it’s just part of the feelings package, so to speak. The more I like you, the more I want to be like that with you, and I like you a lot.”

“Shige must want to take me to bed all the time,” Koyama teases, and Shige digs his fingers into Koyama’s sides hard enough for him to squeal.

“It’s different with you,” Shige says quietly. “I’ve been wracking my brain to try and figure out _why_, and I can’t seem to come to a conclusion. Even the thought of sex with Tegoshi doesn’t fuck me up as much as Massu.”

“Because we’re verified,” Tegoshi tells him, gesturing to herself and Koyama. “Kei-chan and I have fucked casually for close to a decade and nothing bad has happened, so there’s a good chance that you could be like that with either—or both—of us without repercussions. You don’t have that same guarantee with Massu, and it’s scary.”

Massu blinks as everything starts to make sense, glancing over to Shige to find his face blank. “Koyama and Shige have been together before too, right?”

They both shake their heads. “We got close a few times,” Koyama admits, “but we never crossed that line with each other.”

“Until now,” Shige adds, and Koyama leans up to look at him. “I’m honestly more terrified about taking care of your feelings than anything sexual. I don’t want to hurt you.”

“I’m scared too,” Koyama says. “But relationships are supposed to be scary, aren’t they? If we didn’t take any chances, we wouldn’t be here.”

They stare at each other until Tegoshi kicks Koyama in the thigh and hisses, “Kiss already!”

Massu starts to laugh, but then Shige grabs Koyama by the face and nothing is funny anymore. Koyama flails for a few seconds, then tilts his head to reciprocate and Massu becomes entranced watching their mouths move together so fluidly.

“Ah, Koyashige are naturals, aren’t they?” Tegoshi coos from his lap. “Does Massu want to kiss me too?”

“Not right now,” Massu says again, and Tegoshi makes a noise of understanding and snuggles closer. “Sorry.”

“It’s fine,” Tegoshi assures him, squeezing his hand that she hasn’t yet let go of. “I’m satisfied with this. Besides, if I was kissing you, I wouldn’t be able to enjoy this sight nearly as much.”

“Yeah,” Massu agrees, hugging her tighter in an unspoken appreciation and because he simply wants to. “I’m happy watching them come together like this.”

He frowns when Koyama pulls back, blinking his eyes open at Shige who had gently pushed him away by his shoulders. “Was that too much, Shige? I’m sorry—”

Shige’s shaking his head before Koyama can finish apologizing. “It’s fine, I’m just getting distracted by the commentary.”

Tegoshi laughs out loud. “You better get used to it! This was _your_ idea.”

“Kissing was not part of my original suggestion!” Shige exclaims, his face bright red. “I just wanted us to care about each other more.”

“This is how I care,” Koyama tells him seriously, leaning forward to rub their noses together. “I could have spent the past twenty years kissing you, but I didn’t think you wanted to. Those few times it almost happened...”

“That was my fault,” Shige says, sheepishly seeking out Koyama’s face with his forehead, much like the cat he used to moonlight as for his Jweb. “I didn’t want to admit to myself that I had feelings for you, because back then it wasn’t as okay to be _that way_ and even now it’s not something we can publicly talk about. I don’t think I would have ever said anything if Tegoshi hadn’t brought it up during our last meeting.”

“I’ve known I liked boys as much as girls since kindergarten,” Tegoshi volunteers. “I never really saw a difference besides how they dressed and how they were instructed to act by adults, which is part of what led me to question my own gender once I learned that was a option.”

“I don’t see a difference either,” Massu adds, struggling to put his words together in a way that makes sense to himself as well as the rest of them. “There are specific aspects of masculinity and femininity that I find enticing, though they don’t have to match the gender or sex of the person displaying them. I think women look good in suits and men in dresses. Men can be sensitive and women can be protective. It’s more about the actual behavior than the body of the person to me.”

“I love everyone,” Koyama supplies, and Massu remembers their conversation about how all types of attraction are the same to him. “I have to be careful not to come on too strongly, or show too much affection, because people don’t usually like that and I end up pushing them away. So, I keep it to myself until someone tells me it’s okay. Usually, it’s with women, but like Shige said we’re not really in a place where men can approach me as confidently. Tegoshi was the first and only, and she doesn’t even count anymore.”

Tegoshi hums and reaches out for Koyama with the hand that’s not currently holding Massu’s, gently playing with his hair before resting on his arm. “I count as your first dick,” she says bluntly, and Koyama laughs a bit before agreeing.

That has Shige scoffing. “Should have been me,” he grumbles, though he tenses at the soft apology Koyama whispers into his ear. “On the topic of attraction, I prefer men—well, people with male bodies, but I don’t really have a good reason why. Probably, I just don’t have the opportunity to be intimate with women. I mean, ciswomen—sorry, Tegoshi, I’m trying really hard to be inclusive here.”

“I’m not offended,” Tegoshi replies airily. “Just say how you feel and don’t worry about your language. I already know you only like dick anyway.”

Shige’s cheeks flush again. “Saying it like that makes it sound like that’s all I care about.”

“We _all_ know that’s not true,” Massu assures him. “If that’s all you cared about, you would have jumped for joy upon finding out that I do sex things and definitely taken advantage of that by now. I just wish your reluctance to do it was more about respecting me and not hating yourself for wanting me.”

He didn’t mean to say the last part out loud, but this meeting is supposed to be about sharing their honest feelings and that’s a strong one that Massu has. He doesn’t realize how tightly he’s squeezing Tegoshi’s hand until she rubs his thumb with hers, the small gesture calming down the tension he hadn’t been aware was rising within him.

“I’m sorry,” Shige says, looking so sad that Koyama turns his entire body to hug him completely. “My feelings are all over the place lately. They’ll settle down eventually, and then we can do—or not do—whatever happens naturally.”

“Maybe you should just do it?” Tegoshi suggests. Massu’s first instinct is that she’s being malicious until she pulls away enough to see her sympathetic expression. “Shige is the type to needlessly work himself up about something until it actually happens, and it’s never as bad as he expects. Not right now, but the next time Massu tells you it’s okay, just do what you want and let yourself enjoy it.”

“That’s the thing,” Massu counters. “I can’t be into it unless he is, and while he’s still fighting with himself like this _I_ feel like the one who’s being disrespectful for wanting it when he doesn’t. It’s so surreal because I’m usually on the other end of that.”

“I’m really sorry,” Shige repeats. “I don’t want to make anyone else feel like this. I’ll try to get over it, I promise. For now, let’s just talk about something else, please?”

“I’m really comfortable,” Tegoshi declares, though whether she’s answering Shige’s plea or just expressing her own state of being is debatable. “Lying here like this, surrounded by the people I love, it feels like the horrors of the world are so far away and nothing hurts anymore.”

Massu twitches a bit at ‘love’, but it’s over as soon as it began and he holds Tegoshi closer to his chest. “I’m glad.”

“I’m happy too,” Koyama says as he returns to his prior position between Massu and Shige, holding onto both Tegoshi and Shige while resting his head on Massu’s other shoulder. “I definitely like spending time with all three of you individually, but it feels more complete when the four of us are together like this.”

“Complete,” Massu repeats, realizing the truth in those words as he feels it. “By the way, how did it go integrating Emma and Milk?”

Both Tegoshi and Koyama laugh. “Emma kept trying to play and Milk hid the whole time,” Koyama reports. “I think they just need to get used to each other and maybe they’ll find common ground.”

“Sounds like Shige and Massu,” Tegoshi teases, and Massu can’t find it within himself to argue. “Emma hasn’t been around cats before, so she wanted to chase Milk like she does Skull.”

“Milk doesn’t know dogs either, so she thought Emma was going to hurt her,” Koyama adds with a pout so big that Massu has an urge to kiss it off of him. “What’s that face for, Massu?”

“I, um.” Massu shifts as much as he can with Tegoshi’s entire weight in his lap, then figures he may as well come clean. “You were cute when you pouted just now and I felt like kissing you.”

Tegoshi gasps and even Shige looks intrigued at the confession. Koyama just tilts his head and stares Massu dead in the eyes. “So, why don’t you?” he challenges.

The moment has passed, but Massu does it anyway. Koyama’s lips are soft and his hand feels nice on Massu’s face, his nose brushing against Massu’s cheek as their lips press together over and over in different spots. It’s like a game to seek out as much as they can, chasing the little tingles that develop from the intimate contact.

They break apart naturally, Koyama grinning into his skin as he kisses Massu’s cheek and returns to Massu’s shoulder. “I’m happy,” he says again.

“Now, I’m the only one who hasn’t kissed Massu,” Tegoshi mutters, folding her arms as much as she can while continuing to touch both Massu and Koyama.

“In due time,” Massu tells her, and she hrumphs against his sternum.

Shige suggests putting on a movie or a TV show, eliciting a four-way debate about what to watch that is so reminiscent of their concert prep that Massu feels like it’s any other work meeting they’ve had. Finally, they decide on an anime that both Koyama and Shige had enjoyed and Tegoshi and Massu find interesting enough to follow for the next hour or so.

Predictably, Tegoshi falls asleep before the end of the first episode, but Massu doesn’t mind feeling her soft snores against his chest one bit. Massu himself isn’t watching the show as much as he’s just using it for background noise while he cuddles with Tegoshi and Koyama (and Shige by proxy). The characters talking on the TV means that there isn’t any pressure for him to talk, which Shige seems to be grateful for as well.

“It’s getting late,” Shige says after a couple more episodes. “I wanted to get some writing done before filming tomorrow, and technically our meeting ended an hour ago. I’m going to head home now.”

“I should go too,” Koyama says, though he’s not as quick to sit up and stretch. “Massu, do you want to put Tegoshi to bed, or shall I?”

“I’ll do it,” Massu says, and Koyama grins as he starts to clean up. “You can’t pick her up anyway.”

“Sure I can,” Koyama replies, though he doesn’t make any effort to prove it. “Have fun~”

Massu notices the implication in Koyama’s voice, but doesn’t think anything of it until he has carried Tegoshi princess-style into her room and laid her in her bed. It’s a huge bed, probably big enough for all four of them to sleep comfortably, and he has to crawl halfway across it to get her situated under the covers.

She remains peacefully asleep this whole time, her face so relaxed and pretty that Massu doesn’t think twice before leaning down to press their lips together. It would have been a simple good-night kiss if Tegoshi hadn’t woken up in the middle of it, kissing him back strongly enough to pull him closer without even touching him, his body stretching out alongside hers as their mouths part slightly and Tegoshi licks between them.

The first contact between their tongues has Tegoshi moaning softly, wiggling her arms out from under the covers to wrap around Massu’s shoulders. Massu feels it in his toes and it’s nice enough to continue, kissing her deeply while his mind is pleasantly blank, until Tegoshi’s hands start to move down his torso and it flips a switch that has him pulling back.

“Don’t go,” Tegoshi whispers, blinking her eyes open to meet his in the dark. “We don’t have to do anything if you don’t want to. I just want you here with me.”

“Another time,” he says, and now he’s kissing the pout off of _her_ face. “Good night, Tegoshi.”

“Thank you for kissing me too,” Tegoshi replies, touching her fingers to her lips in a way that has Massu wanting to return to the bed he’d just gotten out of. “Though, the next time you put me to bed, don’t leave my clothes on. I’m burning up!”

She flings off the covers and starts to strip, which Massu takes as his cue to leave. He’s shaking his head and chuckling as he sends a message in their group chat passive-aggressively thanking Koyama for _not_ warning him about Tegoshi’s sleep habits, to which Shige responds that even he knows that Tegoshi sleeps naked and anyone who gets into her bed is consenting to whatever she wants to do with them.

_It wasn’t non-consensual,_ he sends back when he gets home, letting them think what they want, and the last thing he sees before he plugs his phone in for the night is Tegoshi sending a row of kissy emojis in neither confirmation nor denial.

His lips tingle as he falls asleep, his mind empty while his heart is full, and that’s all he needs to be satisfied with his decision to go through with this. Another person might have worried about what will happen next, but Massu sleeps easily, the lingering affection he’d received tonight enough to leave him comfortable and calm.

Whatever will be will be, and Massu is fully here and present for what will undoubtedly be a wild ride.

*

With the success of Voice 110, Massu’s not surprised to be offered a fall drama, which he immediately accepts without a second thought. It’s a romcom where he yet again plays a sidekick, though this time his character is married with two small children.

_Let me know if you want to practice your kissing_, Tegoshi messages him in the group chat with no less than ten winky faces.

_You’ve kissed like once on TV,_ Shige retorts. _I’m the one who did it over and over again in a stage play._

_I’m probably not kissing her on screen_, Massu tries to intervene, but there’s no getting between Tegoshi and Shige when they’re intent on arguing with each other. At least in text the other two can just ignore them and talk amongst themselves, at least until Massu reaches his next meeting place.

_I should get news of a new single here soon! _Koyama says, which gets everyone’s attention. _Probably something autumn-themed._

Massu smiles as he watches them throw out ideas for promotions like they have any say at all in what they will get to do. Then again, it will be their first single since Takki has officially been in charge, so who knows what will happen. Maybe they’ll just be given a keyboard and a camera and told good luck.

With even more activities filling his schedule, Massu passes a thought as to how this will affect their new...situation. They can still text, but Massu won’t be available nearly as much for dates. He doesn’t regret accepting the offer one bit, but after two straight weeks of nothing but work and sleep, he wonders how he can squeeze in at least a little bit of affection.

_One of us can sleep over!_ Tegoshi suggests when he shares his concern in the group chat. _I nominate myself._

Massu rolls his eyes. _Thank you, but I actually need to sleep._

He gets shocked faces from both Koyama and Shige, then Tegoshi replies, _Bold of you to assume we’d be doing anything other than sleeping, Takahisa._

_Breakfast dates?_ Shige suggests. _Working out together? Mundane errand running? There has to be some way we can blend into your regular activities without adding anymore to your schedule._

_I’ll help you clean!_ Koyama exclaims with a grinning emoji. _What day do you usually do it? It’ll be fun!_

Massu laughs out loud. Only Koyama would be excited at the prospect of cleaning together. _I usually do a little bit each day, but I’ll let you know the next time I do any deep cleaning._

_Ooh, I know!_ Tegoshi exclaims. _We can go to the salon together. We both do that every week, right?_

_You get a lot more done than me_, Massu replies. _I won’t even be dyeing my hair until the drama is over._

_Ugh, there has to be something!_ Massu can imagine the frown on Tegoshi’s face. _Whenever you do something that isn’t work, think about whether one of us could be doing it with you_.

_I’m in the car right now_, Massu tells her. _Unless you want to start chauffeuring me around..._

Tegoshi gives him an emoji of a girl with her arms crossed over her face. _Pass._

Massu is almost at the studio, so he pockets his phone and doesn’t think about anything but his character for the next couple hours. Afterward, he’s invited out to eat with his new costars and drinks a little more than he should, listening to them talk about their significant others and families until he’s yearning for something, anything more than simply going home and sleeping alone.

_Okay, Yuuko_, he sends in the group chat, knowing that he’s already got her just by using her preferred name. _You can come sleep over._

He gets a bunch of excited emojis in response, and he’s barely home for fifteen minutes when there’s a knock at his door. Tegoshi smiles brightly as she barges in, already in her pajamas with an overnight bag slung over her shoulder.

“Who’s taking care of Emma?” Massu asks, halfway surprised that the puppy hadn’t just tagged along. It wouldn’t be the first time Tegoshi brought her somewhere uninvited.

“I dropped her off at my mom’s,” Tegoshi says. “She says to tell you hi, by the way. She’s really glad that we found a way to spend time together while you’re so busy.”

Massu gasps. “You told your mom about us?”

“Of course!” she exclaims. “I tell my mom everything. She’s known about Kei-chan since day one. She’s super happy for us.”

Massu’s so astounded that he just stares at her while she makes herself at home. He’d never considered the possibility of telling his family about what the four of them were doing together. It definitely isn’t something they would understand. If they’re not doing traditional things like living together or raising children, was it even necessary to inform them?

“Were you wanting to go to sleep right away, or are you staying up for a while?” Tegoshi asks, oblivious to the thoughts that are plaguing Massu’s mind. “It’s not that late. Have you had a bath yet?”

“No, I haven’t had a bath yet,” Massu answers mechanically, entirely not paying attention.

“I already bathed, but I wouldn’t mind doing it again,” she says pointedly, then turns to stare Massu in the eyes. “I won’t do anything sexual unless you ask me to. But I will wash your back.”

Massu blinks, his brain too overwhelmed to do anything other than agree. “Okay.”

“Don’t get used to me spoiling you,” Tegoshi warns as she mistakes Massu’s oblivion for exhaustion and drags him into the bathroom. “I fully expect you to return the favor when I’m busy.”

He lets her think what she wants in favor of not having to think for the rest of the night, just standing there while she runs the bath and even undresses him before they both settle into the warm water.

His drama filming isn’t physically intensive, but it still feels nice to relax and soak after a long day. True to her word, Tegoshi scrubs his back and ends up doing the front and even his legs when he doesn’t stop her. Massu doesn’t remember the last time somebody else bathed him, probably not since he’s been an adult, and it feels so nice even when she hugs him from behind to wash both of his arms.

“I hope you know how much torture this is for me,” she whispers into the back of his neck. “You have such a nice body and I’ve wanted to touch it for so long. I won’t force you, but if you ever want anything like that from me, I’ll gladly do it.”

“Noted,” Massu replies, his eyes closing to the warm comfort of her embrace. “You can touch me, but not anywhere indecent. For now.”

He feels a sharp inhale against his back, then all of Tegoshi’s fingers slide up his arms and a rather sharp shiver courses up his back. “As you wish,” she says, a bit facetiously, a bit serious.

He leans back and rests his head on her shoulder, stretching out his limbs as much as he can in the tub while her hands skate over his ribs and along his belly. It feels good in away that’s not inherently sexual, the skinship along with the hot water relaxing him enough to simply enjoy it.

It becomes something akin to a full-body massage when Tegoshi squeezes all of the muscles she passes, and Massu doesn’t stop his faint moan that echoes off of the tiled wall. She shifts a bit, but she keeps touching him, mapping out every inch of his chest before dropping to his thighs.

Massu scoots back to give her more room, only to bump into something hard and pull a noise from her lungs that sounds embarrassed and pleased at the same time.

“I’m sorry,” she rushes to tell him. “I am really enjoying this. Obviously.”

“Don’t apologize for your feelings,” Massu murmurs, too far gone to even find the strength to speak with his whole voice. “I told you my limits. Do what you need to do.”

Tegoshi’s next moan vibrates Massu’s entire body, her touch becoming rougher as she starts to move against his back. She squeezes the tops of his thighs before moving back up to his hips, then around to the backs of his thighs that have Massu arching a little.

“Can I kiss your neck?” Tegoshi asks, and Massu nods. Her mouth is on him immediately, light enough to avoid any incriminating marks but firm enough to have Massu squirming, gradually wanting her hands in the one place he had told her not to put them.

“Yuuko,” he says, and she purrs against his skin. “Will you get me off too?”

She moans again, reaching for Massu’s right hand with hers. “Show me how you like it.”

He guides their hands between his legs, hissing when they make contact with his cock that has managed to become impossibly hard since he first felt Tegoshi’s erection, which is now grinding harder against his spine as her fingers coil around him. He guides her up and down, slowly with a bit of a twist at the tip, and now Massu’s the one moaning as the stimulation spreads throughout his body, hips snapping sharply as Tegoshi tightens her grip.

“Shall I tell you what I want to do to you?” Tegoshi whispers into his ear, and he nods again. “I won’t do it, not until you say, but I want to straddle you right here and ride you so hard that we slosh all of the water out of the tub.”

Massu chokes on his next breath, his body reacting to Tegoshi’s dirty words before his mind can catch up. “Don’t you need to be prepared first?”

“Not in a fantasy,” Tegoshi says with a laugh interrupted by a moan as she wraps her legs around his waist to really grind against him. “I’d be so tight around you, you’d have to push really hard to get through. Go ahead and do it for me now, if you like.”

The water really does slosh around as Massu blindly follows orders, thrusting up into Tegoshi’s fist that moves in tandem. Massu feels his next groan between his ears, reaching his hands back to grab onto Tegoshi’s hips and press her closer, rubbing back against her as well.

“Do you like feeling me hard against you?” she goes on, and he makes a noise that he hopes is affirmative. “I like feeling you hard in my hand too. I think I would like it inside me as well.”

“Close,” Massu gasps, and Tegoshi hums as she moves faster.

“Me too,” she says, exhaling harshly into his neck and flicking her wrist as fast as she can. “Come with me, Massu.”

“I’m coming,” Massu gets out before his world goes white, his body rocked by an orgasm that’s emulated behind him. Tegoshi clings to him as they reach their peaks together, and everything feels so much better when he can think again.

“We need another bath now,” Tegoshi points out while Massu’s still trying to figure out which way is up.

They manage to rinse off and crawl into Massu’s bed, where Tegoshi curls right up against Massu who wraps his arms around her like a human pillow. To her credit, she doesn’t say anything or otherwise imply that she wants to do anything other than sleep, even if she technically already got what she wanted in the tub.

Of course, Massu got what he wanted too. He was the one who asked for it this time.

In the morning, Tegoshi rolls her sleepy head right out of his bed and into her car, only stopping for a quick hug before leaving Massu to his day, and he returns to his heavy workload feeling a lot better than he had yesterday.

_Massu is a beautiful person_, she types into the group chat, which he doesn’t see until much later. _Thank you for allowing me to see such a vulnerable side of you._

It’s just vague enough not to be obvious, even if Koyama sends a sticker of a cheerleader waving her pom-poms and Shige sends a blowfish-face emoji and says that he’s jealous.

_Nobody’s stopping you but you_, Massu messages back as he gets ready to go to bed that night, where his pillow smells like Tegoshi and he falls asleep with a smile on his face.

*

The best part about releasing a single while filming a drama is that Massu gets to see the other members every day. He can see their smiles and hear the excitement in their voices and have a conversation where he gets answers right away instead of waiting for typed responses.

The worst part is that he has to see them every day and he can’t touch them. At least, he can’t touch them the way he wants to, the way his body yearns for now that it has gotten used to being close that way, every casual hug and brush of his arm igniting his senses and demanding _more_.

“Everything shows on your face,” Koyama hisses at him during a break. “The fans will love that you’re being touchier with us, but be careful.”

“I’m _dying_,” Massu croaks out, using all of his energy not to cringe because they’re not alone. “This was a lot easier when I wasn’t touching anybody and didn’t have anything to miss.”

Koyama smiles despite his concern. “That’s so sweet that you feel so strongly about us.”

“It doesn’t feel very good,” Massu huffs, and Koyama pats his shoulder. Massu starts to lean closer and has to physically stop himself, letting out a whine that has him feeling even more ashamed because he’s a grown-ass man and he should be able to handle this eloquently.

“Come on,” Koyama says, grabbing Massu by the arm and dragging him down the hall. “We have five minutes.”

Massu starts to protest, then he’s shoved into the gender-neutral bathroom and pulled into Koyama’s tight embrace. He lets out a breath he hadn’t known he’d been holding, returning the gesture on Koyama’s thin waist and burying his face into Koyama’s neck that smells faintly of cologne.

“I have to say,” Koyama whispers into Massu’s hair. “This is the first time I’ve _cuddled_ in a bathroom.”

Massu laughs hard enough to shake them both. “Do you think anyone saw us?”

“Probably, but there are a million other reasons we could have left so abruptly. Yamapi once pulled me into the bathroom to look at a picture on his phone.”

“I don’t want to hear about that!” Massu says firmly, and now Koyama’s the one laughing.

“It wasn’t like that!” he exclaims. “He was buying a present for someone—I think it was Shige—and didn’t want him to find out. The point is that we could have rushed in here for any reason. It’s not as obvious as, say, you spooning Tegoshi while we’re waiting for the choreographer.”

“Am I getting a leader lecture?” Massu asks skeptically.

“Yes,” Koyama answers, pulling away enough to lean his forehead against Massu’s. “I didn’t think you were the first one I’d have to say this to, but work comes first. This is as difficult for me as it is for you, but I learned a long time ago how to control myself around people I want to be close to and you need to do it too.”

“I’m not used to this...overwhelming urge,” Massu confesses, and Koyama squeezes him tighter like he can make it all better this way. “Maybe if I had been sexually attracted to people this whole time, I might have been better at ignoring it by now. I don’t really have a lot of experience here. Every interaction with you all is something new to me, and I’m winging it the best that I can.”

“You’re doing great,” Koyama assures him. The fact that Koyama is the one comforting Massu has Massu feeling a little like the world has turned upside-down. “This was just bad timing, wasn’t it? But look at it this way—you understand what Shige’s been going through now, right?”

Massu thinks about that during the remaining minute and a half before he has to pretend to be an idol who’s not embarking on an emotional journey with his bandmates. Shige’s been struggling to hold himself back too, just mentally and not physically. Massu isn’t sure he can ever seriously relate to someone whose feelings are guided by sexual attraction, but inevitably it’s not much different than being overwhelmed by a desire for closeness.

“We need to go back now,” Koyama says apologetically, pressing a kiss to Massu’s nose before he pulls away. “You sure you don’t have anything I can help you clean? What about laundry?”

“My manager does my laundry when my schedule is full like this,” Massu tells him as they return to the rehearsal room. “She doesn’t fold it right though. I don’t have the heart to tell her so I just iron it myself before I wear it.”

“I can help you iron!” Koyama exclaims. “I mean, probably not since I’m really bad at it, but there has to be _something_ I can do to make it go faster.”

“Our monthly meeting is soon, right?” Massu asks. “I feel like it’s been three months since the last time the four of us were alone together.”

“We usually don’t have them while we’re releasing singles,” Koyama says sadly. “I guess we figured we’d socialize enough during breaks and backstage. Also, it’s impossible to match up all four of our schedules right now.”

“_Fuck_,” Massu groans, and it’s so out of character that Koyama stops abruptly and stares at him. “Don’t give me that face, Keiichiro. I get frustrated too.”

Koyama hides a smile and nudges him in the arm as he speed-walks by. “I like when you use my given name.”

The rest of rehearsal is a struggle, but then he gets to go to drama filming and record his radio show. It’s much easier to focus when the other members aren’t around, never mind that the entire basis of his work revolves around the four of them together. Luckily, their new single is more sexy than cute, which translates into touching themselves instead of touching each other.

This just means that Shige is absolutely _miserable_. He can play it off as writing stress or whatever he thinks deeply about, but Massu knows the truth. He wonders if he should take Tegoshi’s advice and just do it, get it over with and maybe then Shige will be able to function like a normal person.

It’s not that Massu is opposed to getting sexual with Shige, particularly after his bathtub activities with Tegoshi went so well. He just doesn’t want to do it while Shige keeps getting upset with himself for having those kinds of feelings for Massu. The last thing Massu wants to do is make it worse.

After another week of spending every day so close to something he can’t have, Massu gets creative. He invites Koyama to work out in the morning since Shige wouldn’t fare well in a sweaty, grunting environment. He rides home with Tegoshi after they record their radio show, where they go straight to sleep, snuggling in Tegoshi’s big bed with Emma curled up at their feet.

It’s better for Massu and Shige to be around other people for the time being, so Shige gets breaks and down time. Since Shige’s the one who usually has other things he works on during these times, Massu waits for Shige to come to him, and they sit a comfortable distance apart and talk about whatever comes to their minds.

Shige has always been easy to talk to. He’s a lot like Nakamaru in that way, the comfortable kind of conversation where words just flow freely and there isn’t any misunderstanding. Shige’s mind is an amazing place, all kinds of concepts and ideas that Massu doesn’t often take the time to think about.

“I think I’m okay now,” Shige says after their second performance, when the promotions are almost over and they’ll go back to not working together every day until it’s time for the holiday music shows. “I can look at you and enjoy your company without wanting to...you know.”

Massu knows. He also finds it ironic that now that Shige isn’t hounded by unwanted feelings, Massu is the one fending off images of hugging Shige and touching his skin. He doesn’t know what that feels like yet.

Dramas don’t last forever, he tells himself as he joins Koyama in the shower to work out in a different way. After years of being shower-bombed by Tegoshi during concert runs, Koyama should be used to it by now.

*

Massu has never been a fan of cold weather. He doesn’t like all of the layering and unraveling whenever he goes somewhere, and running the heater dries out his throat. It gets dark too early, and there’s nothing to do outside when it’s cold.

_That’s because you were born in the summer_, Tegoshi tells him when he complains in their group chat. _All three of you were born in the seasons where the weather is warm or getting warmer__. __I’m the only autumn baby. I love crisp wind and sweaters!_

Shige has to point out that one’s birth season doesn’t have anything to do with what season they end up liking the best, because there’s no scientific evidence linking them together, and Tegoshi just sends him an eyeroll emoji and calls out Shige’s seasonal depression while she can usually reduce the dosage of her anti-depressants during the winter.

_I like all the seasons_, Koyama inputs, which just makes Shige and Tegoshi bicker more.

Massu watches the chat fly by in mild amusement while he’s on a break from filming, enjoying the tasty catering and revisiting his own mind until he has to get back into character. It’s fun to play a husband, even if all he really does is place his arm around his drama-wife’s shoulders and call out to the kids every now and then. There’s not much of an emphasis on his character’s family, which is probably for the best. From what he hears from his married friends, that kind of life is no picnic.

It makes him grateful that his relationship with the other members isn’t really going anywhere. He can’t see himself living with any of them longer than temporarily—the sharehouse threat from last year is still looming over their heads—and he definitely doesn’t want to intertwine their lives together more than they already are.

He doesn’t know how he feels about children, at least having any of his own. He doesn’t mind them when he sees them out in public or spends time with his friends who have kids, but at the end of the day he gets to go home to his quiet apartment and do what he wants without revolving his life around someone else’s. Some may call that selfish, but he considers it his reward for working hard for his fans and being a productive member of society.

Koyama wants children. Anyone who spends more than five minutes in his presence can see the stars in his eyes when he talks about his nephews and niece, the pout when he sees a baby even if it’s crying its head off. The beauty of polyamory means that Koyama can have children with someone else and Massu doesn’t have to be involved, assuming that someone else was okay with their husband being emotionally involved with his bandmates. Though it’s possible that Tegoshi might want to adopt with him, which kind of breaks Massu’s brain to think about.

He considers bringing it up in the group chat, then decides not to open that can of worms. The topic will come up when it’s time, and it has nothing to do with him anyway. Koyama may not even want kids of his own anymore—he’s already thirty-five. To Massu’s knowledge, Koyama hasn’t seriously dated anyone since NEWS had six members, and Koyama’s very open about his private life. Up until they’d started doing whatever they’re doing together, Koyama had been happily having a love affair with his cat and shoujo anime.

Shige definitely doesn’t want kids. Tegoshi is hit or miss; sometimes Massu thinks she’s still a kid herself, and then she’ll do something so mature that it blows Massu’s mind. At least she’s not the spoiled brat whom Koyama had to pack for and remind her of her schedule every day anymore. Massu refused to baby her when they were working together as Tegomasu and it was the main reason they didn’t get along for so many years.

The moment passes and Massu returns his attention to the group chat. They’re talking about Tegoshi’s upcoming trip to Iceland for ItteQ, which she’s super excited about. She’ll be gone for over a week, coincidentally including her birthday, which Koyama can’t seem to find a time for the four of them to celebrate until the end of November.

Massu blinks as he realizes they will start meeting again now that the single promotions are over. He hasn’t paid too much attention to his own schedule lately since it’s been so jam-packed, but he brings it up on his phone now and there it is bordered by his member color. The day after tomorrow, late in the evening after a whole day of filming, probably the only time the other three could be available when he was.

_Let’s have our next __meeting __at my place_, Massu types into the chat, and he gets three OK stickers in response.

He’s unusually giddy for the next two days, doing a little extra cleaning and picking up something easy to cook for the four of them. But when the time comes, he’s suddenly _exhausted_, slumping on the counter while he rolls dough and seriously contemplates taking a nap while the water boils.

“I think you might be getting sick,” Koyama says gently as he urges Massu down onto his couch. “Are you sleeping enough?”

“As much as I can,” Massu tries to protest, but even he knows it’s a futile attempt. “I must have caught something.”

Tegoshi leans over the back of the couch and presses her lips to Massu’s forehead, and Massu already knows what the result is when he feels how _cold_ they are. “You have a fever,” she says with a pout. “Shall we leave?”

“_No_,” he says firmly, forcing himself to sit up and look at both of them; Shige’s in the kitchen picking up where Massu had left off. “I’ve already waited so long for this. I won’t kiss any of you so you don’t catch it, but please stay at least for a little while.”

“I’m going to run to the store and get you some medicine,” Koyama says apologetically, but then he’s kissing Massu’s forehead too and it feels nicer than if it had been on his mouth. “Tego, make sure he drinks a lot of fluids.”

“On it,” Tegoshi replies, flouncing into the kitchen to fill up one of Massu’s water bottles. She says something to Shige while she’s in there that has him getting defensive, and she’s laughing when she returns to the couch and plops right next to Massu, holding up the bottle for him.

“Have you two had sex yet?” Massu asks bluntly, his brain-to-mouth filter completely severed by the stuffing that was rapidly forming in his head.

“Yeah,” Tegoshi answers with a grin, rubbing the back of Massu’s head as she guides him down to drink. “It was really good. Shige’s a very attentive lover. I can give you details if you want. Kei-chan likes to hear about it too.”

“I don’t think I need all of that,” Massu says after a few forced sips of water. He’s not thirsty, though he’s starting to feel overheated. “I was just wondering, since you two argue so much.”

Tegoshi giggles. “Foreplay.”

Shaking his head, Massu lets Tegoshi take care of him and doesn’t even put up a fight when she pulls off his sweater. He feels much cooler now, even if it’s just because the sweat that’s broken out all over his body is now being chilled by the night air, but before he can get too uncomfortable, Koyama returns from the conbini.

“Of course, you would get the eclairs too,” Tegoshi teases, and Koyama manages to grin as he stuffs one into his mouth. “Is it snowing yet? The weather report said it was supposed to snow.”

“It’s too early for snow,” Shige calls out from the kitchen. “It’ll just flurry and not stick to anything.”

“It’ll still be pretty to watch,” Tegoshi says, glancing toward Massu’s shaded windows. “Can we open the curtains?”

“That’s not really safe to do,” Koyama says through his mouthful. “Anyone could see in here and get us in trouble.”

“It’s not like we’re going to have group sex while Massu is sick,” Tegoshi shoots back.

“It’ll be too dark to see anything anyway,” Massu mumbles, lifting his heavy arm to wrap around Tegoshi’s waist in as much of a consoling motion as he can manage. “Maybe it will be snowing when you leave.”

“Maybe.” Tegoshi snuggles closer. “You’re cute when you’re sick.”

Massu grunts noncommittally and Tegoshi laughs. Then the weight on the other side of Massu dips and Massu wrinkles his nose as the smell of cough medicine.

“I know it stinks, but you can’t swallow pills and this is the best I could do at the conbini,” Koyama says. “Just open your mouth and it’ll be over in a second.”

“That’s what she said!” Tegoshi exclaims, and it’s only funny because Tegoshi is a she now.

The medicine goes down well enough and Massu’s still making a face when Koyama joins their dogpile on the couch. It’s almost too hot to have both of them pressing against him, but it’s tolerable without a shirt and even the way Koyama gently rubs his upper chest feels nice.

The next thing he knows, he’s horizontal on a soft surface and someone’s massaging his shoulders. He must have fallen asleep, the medicine knocking him out, and he’s only a little sad that he ended up missing the meeting he’d been looking so forward to because at least one of them is still here.

“You got better at this, Yuuko,” Massu mumbles as he tries to stretch. His head weighs a million pounds and his body feels like he’s been run over several times by a tractor trailer.

“Not Yuuko,” a deep voice repiles, and Massu shivers despite being mostly under the covers. “It’s okay that I stayed, right? I don’t mind if I catch whatever you have. I don’t have to sing until Christmas.”

Massu smiles despite the strained muscles in his face and leans back into Shige’s embrace. Shige’s arms automatically wrap around him, making the discomfort go away for a little while, and Massu wishes he hadn’t fallen ill so he properly could appreciate the pair of them finally coming together like this.

“I’m glad you’re here,” he says. “What time is it?”

“A little after two,” Shige answers. “Koyama made me promise to make you eat if you woke up since you slept through dinner, but it doesn’t count if you go right back to sleep.”

“Sorry to make you cook,” Massu mutters, and Shige makes a noise of dismissal. “Did you have to clean up too?”

“Koyama did the dishes,” Shige tells him. “There are leftovers in the fridge. He left you a conbini eclair too.”

“How thoughtful of him,” Massu says flatly, and Shige laughs. “I should probably eat. I have to be up in three hours to go back to the set.”

“I’ll heat it up and bring it to you if you want,” Shige offers, but Massu shakes his head.

“I don’t eat in bed, even when I’m sick.”

Shige helps him sit up and guides him back toward the kitchen, where everything looks as nice as he’d left it and he feels a little better knowing that his home didn’t get wrecked while he was passed out.

He could probably manage to use the microwave on his own, but he lets Shige do all the work and after a few minutes he’s presented with steaming food and a tall glass of water. Shige’s silent while Massu eats, scrolling through his phone and typing every so often, probably updating the other two for whenever they start their days.

“Are you feeling better?” Shige asks when Massu reaches the bottom of his bowl.

“Not really,” Massu answers. “Gotta keep going though.”

“You should take more medicine,” Shige tells him. “It’s gross, but it’ll get you through the day.”

Massu doesn’t have the energy to argue, though he does end up eating Koyama’s eclair just to get the taste out of his mouth. He must have missed some cream on his face, because he feels Shige’s thumb wiping under his lips, and it’s so surreal to experience something so erotic while feeling like absolute shit.

Shige’s looking at him like it had just been another way to take care of him, and Massu feels a warmth that’s much more pleasant than his fever. “I’m glad you can touch me now,” he thinks out loud, and Shige smiles.

“Me too. Let’s get a few more hours of sleep before we have to be functional human beings.”

“Speak for yourself,” Massu mutters, already feeling drowsy from the medicine. “I’m only going to look functional for the few minutes at a time I’m on camera.”

Shige’s laugh is the last thing he hears before he goes under again, and he wakes up much more comfortable with Shige pressed behind him, soft puffs of air on his shoulder. His alarm gradually gets louder while Massu tries to find the will to move, but this time it’s less about any ailments plaguing him and more about not wanting to tear himself away from Shige.

He forces himself into the shower since he hadn’t managed to bathe last night, and when he emerges Shige has woken up and insists on helping Massu get dressed.

“Bet you never thought you’d be putting clothes on me instead of taking them off,” Massu teases, and Shige flashes an embarrassed smile.

“I’d rather you be coherent for _that_, at least,” Shige replies, and Massu scoffs. “I’m sorry it took me so long to be with you like this.”

Massu shakes his head. “As long as you can be with me now.”

“I definitely can,” Shige says firmly, looking right into Massu’s eyes, and Massu feels a little dizzy. “Let’s do this again when you feel better.”

Massu agrees, the promise of lying with Shige when he’s _not_ burning alive more than enough to get him through the day.

*

It takes Massu three whole days to kick whatever had taken hold of him, then another two days to catch up on his life. He has lunch with Nakamaru and calls his parents. He catches up with the juniors to whom he has become something like a mentor and promises to take them out after his drama ends.

He ends up taking Koyama up on his offer to help clean and laughs when the older man shows up with an old tour shirt wrapped around his head and a bucket of cleaning supplies.

“What’s wrong with my cleaning supplies?” Massu teases.

“Nothing!” Koyama exclaims. “I’m just used to my own.”

Massu puts on some upbeat electronica and they get to work, pulling out furniture and scrubbing baseboards. Koyama hollers out questions about Massu’s preferences on various things, but for the most part they clean in silence. It’s enjoyable in the same way that working out together is—they can still spend time together while working toward a common goal.

When Massu’s entire apartment is dust free and lemon-scented, the pair of them flop onto the freshly vacuumed carpet and sigh happily. They had opened the windows for air and Massu realizes how cold it is outside, the sweat he’d worked up chilling from the evening breeze.

“Shower?” he suggests.

Koyama lazily rolls his head to the side to look at him. “Together?”

“Sure.”

That has Koyama jumping right up, and Massu doesn’t bother to hide his amusement while he lets Koyama help him up and guide him down the hallway toward his own bathroom. Everything sparkles, even the light fixtures, and they both stop to admire it for a few seconds before Massu pushes past Koyama and turns the taps.

“Is this a cleaning shower or a sexy shower?” Koyama asks as he peels his shirt over his head.

Massu laughs. “I don’t know yet. Right now, it’s a cleaning shower, but depending on how much I like your hands on me, that may change.”

“I’ll do my best,” Koyama says seriously, and Massu shakes his head as he takes off his own clothes and gets in.

“Let me wash you first,” Massu offers, knowing that if Koyama goes first he might not get around to returning the favor. Koyama’s happy to stand under the warm spray while Massu runs a soapy washcloth all over his body, using the body wash that Koyama had kept stealing from him a few years ago. “Shall I wash your hair?”

“Sure,” Koyama answers, sounding faraway like he’s already seduced by Massu’s touch. “Do you need me to lean down?”

“No, I can reach.”

Massu shampoos and conditions Koyama’s hair, rubbing his scalp each time he makes contact, then returns to washing Koyama’s body. It doesn’t feel much different than when he was cleaning the refrigerator a little while ago, though the refrigerator didn’t gasp and jerk whenever he hit a particularly sensitive spot.

It’s a far cry from their last shower together, where Massu had already been worked up and Koyama was happy to indulge him. There was only so much they could get away with in the short amount of time they had that morning, but it was enough for them both to get off and the adrenaline from rushing made it even better.

He wonders if Koyama is remembering that too when he discovers a rock-hard erection when he turns Koyama around to get the front, and Koyama laughs when he opens his eyes and notices Massu looking at it.

“You don’t have to clean me there,” Koyama tells him.

Massu just hums and watches Koyama’s face as he continues washing. Koyama looks like he’s in bliss, swaying where he stands while Massu spoils him, and Massu’s breath hitches when Koyama moans out loud at the washcloth passing over one of his nipples.

“Wow,” Massu says out loud, and Koyama gives him a sheepish look. “How turned on are you right now?”

“I could probaby come in less than a minute,” Koyama says seriously, and Massu’s eyes widen. “I don’t think anyone has ever touched so much of my body at one time before. I’ll be fine if you don’t want to do anything, but if you do...”

“Wash me first,” Massu tells him, wringing out the washcloth under the spray and handing it to Koyama. “I just washed my hair this morning, so I don’t need it again.”

“Okay,” Koyama agrees, and after a few seconds of lathering he gets started on Massu’s shoulders. He half expects Koyama to move quickly since he’s so worked up, but he takes his time, rubbing the washcloth along Massu’s hairline and making sure to get between his fingers while Massu struggles to stand upright.

He makes it until Koyama lowers the washcloth over his hip to his thigh before everything becomes sensual. He’d known it would be, and he was prepared for the unfamiliar feeling of arousal to course through him, but what he wasn’t prepared for was the extra stimulation from the material of the washcloth.

“Okay,” he says, and Koyama makes a quizzical noise behind him. “Now, it’s a sexy shower.”

“I’m not done cleaning yet,” Koyama says facetiously, and Massu gasps indignantly as the other man moves even _slower_. “Just because you want it doesn’t mean I have to drop everything and give it to you, you know.”

“I know that,” Massu replies, pouting even though Koyama can’t see him. “I can wait.”

“I’m giving you a hard time,” Koyama says, chuckling as he presses closer, and Massu’s eyes roll back into his head when he feels Koyama’s erection against his lower back. “You may turn around now.”

Massu follows orders and finds himself in Koyama’s mouth, kissing back fiercely as Koyama continues washing his chest. All at once he understands why Koyama had reacted so strongly when the washcloth made contact with his nipple, because Massu whimpers around Koyama’s tongue when it’s done to him.

Koyama’s the one to pull away first, and Massu tilts his head in confusion until Koyama lowers himself to his knees to wash Massu’s legs. He doesn’t keep his mouth to himself, pressing light kisses along Massu’s thighs and belly while blatantly ignoring the growing length that’s practically in his face.

When Koyama lifts a leg to wash one of Massu’s feet, he nibbles along Massu’s inner thigh and Massu nearly falls over from the rush of _want_ that attacks him full force. Koyama does it again on the other side, but this time Massu is ready and grabs onto Koyama’s shoulder to hold himself still.

“Okay, I’m done,” Koyama declares, and Massu starts to tug on Koyama’s shoulders until he goes on. “Can I put it in my mouth?”

“Absolutely,” Massu answers, already choking on his breath at the thought. “You want to get out first, or—?”

“I’m already down here,” Koyama replies simply, leaning forward to suck Massu’s cock past his lips without anymore pretense.

Massu cries out in surprise, his hips moving on their own as Koyama swallows him whole, taking him all the way in before pulling back to tongue the head. Clearly, Koyama does not have a gag reflex, reducing Massu to moans and trembling before he even starts moving. Massu’s hands find their way into Koyama’s hair and the way Koyama groans around his cock is nothing but approving, the vibrations nearly making Massu’s knees give out as his entire body is focused on being pleased by Koyama’s mouth.

Then Koyama’s pulling back and Massu’s mildly concerned until Koyama’s urging him to lie down in the tub. “Better?”

“Yeah,” Massu replies, but that’s all he gets out before Koyama’s mouth returns and he’s free to thrash about without worrying about falling. From this angle, the water hits his chest and slides down around his sides like phantom hands touching him, making him even hotter as Koyama bobs up and down on his cock, water flinging from his hair with each movement.

Massu realizes too late that his legs are spread, the pair of them cramped enough for Massu to bend his knees in order to fit Koyama between them, but Koyama doesn’t try for anything more. He lowers a hand to gently rub Massu’s tight balls, but that just has Massu thrusting up more sharply, and Koyama uses his other hand to pin Massu down by the hip.

“Sorry,” Massu gets out, feeling bad for the half a second it takes Koyama to move faster, his thighs shaking as Koyama sucks him to the edge. “I’m gonna come.”

Koyama doesn’t let up, swallowing everything Massu gives him, and Massu’s only thought is that he’s glad he’s already lying down. It takes him a minute to recuperate, then he leans up on his elbows to see Koyama still kneeling at the other end of the tub, only he’s sitting up and staring at Massu with his hand wrapped around his own cock.

It’s a beautiful sight, the water cascading down his body as he shudders from his own touch, and Massu just watches the other man touch himself so intimately in front of him. He moves faster once he notices Massu’s eyes on him, soft moans spilling from his lips as he keeps going. Massu hasn’t watched anyone do this in person before and he’s mesmerized, somehow feeling Koyama’s self-stimulation despite having just finished himself.

“Ah, I’m coming,” Koyama breathes out, leaning his head back and jerking forward a few times, spurts of orgasm spilling over his fingers and disappearing into the water.

“That was fucking amazing,” Massu gets out, and Koyama grins lazily as he leans forward to press a kiss to Massu’s lips. “Thank you for allowing me to see that.”

“Thank you for allowing me to make you feel good,” Koyama replies.

They kiss until the water turns cold, the porcelain sparking around them.

*

Another tentacle porn joke is on the tip of Massu’s tongue, but he doesn’t dare say it. All of Shige’s limbs are wrapped around him like an octopus, face pressed into the back of his neck, and it feels so much better now that he’s not feverish, a much more pleasant warmth flooding him everywhere they make contact.

They’re not even really doing anything. They’d already gone out, to some stage play Shige had wanted to see, then dinner at a new restaurant Massu wanted to try. It was a nice date on a rare day off after weeks of cramming in whatever intimacy he could get between the three of them, but there’s only so much physical contact they can get away with in public and Shige had latched himself onto Massu the minute they walked through his door.

Shige’s apartment is dim and cozy, perfect for Shige’s main passions—writing and watching movies. Massu doesn’t know how Shige can find anything without using a flashlight, but he supposes that’s not his problem. The couch is nice enough, what Massu can feel of it anyway. Shige is just as comfortable to sink back against, his heartbeat slow and steady.

“You want to watch TV or something?” Shige asks, speaking softly since he’s so close to Massu’s ear.

“Not really,” Massu replies. “I mean, put on whatever you want, but I probably won’t watch it.”

“What do you want to do then?”

“This. Just this.”

Shige squeezes him tightly and Massu lets out a sigh of contentment. “I have to say, I didn’t think you would be this cuddly.”

“There you go, having expectations again,” Massu teases. “Since I don’t really get anything emotional out of sex, this is the only way I can feel intimate with other people.”

Shige makes a low noise that Massu feels vibrated in his belly. “That’s strangely romantic.”

“I have my moments,” Massu says, and Shige’s laugh feels nice too. “Talk to me, maybe? I like how I can feel your voice throughout my body like this.”

A sharp inhale sounds from behind him. “What shall I talk about?”

“Anything,” Massu answers. “Tell me what’s on your mind. You’re always thinking about something, right?”

“You got me there,” Shige says. “Honestly, right now I’m just thinking about you. How nice it is to finally hold you, how glad I am that we can be like this, maybe feeling a little guilty for being happy that you sought me out instead of one of the others.”

Massu laughs. “I’ve been seeing Koyama and Tegoshi this whole time. You and I have to catch up.”

“This is working out better than I would have ever imagined,” Shige goes on, rushing to add before Massu can call him out, “I know that imagination creates expectations and I’m working on not doing that as much. I just never would have guessed that the four of us could be together like this so easily, you know? It hasn’t been that long, but I don’t usually make it past the first couple months when I date someone, if that long.”

“It’s different, isn’t it?” Massu asks, thinking back to his few relationships and how they started to fizzle out after a few weeks. “We’re not trying that hard because we don’t have to. We see each other when we want to and do what we want to do together. It’s simple when I say it right now but how many times have you done something you didn’t really want to do or given up time you would have rather spent doing something else just because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re dating someone? How many times have you done it with us?”

Shige doesn’t answer right away, and Massu can almost hear his mind racing. “I guess I haven’t really thought about it that way. I just figured the four of us were already so comfortable with each other from working together for so long and being through so much as a group and individually. But you’re right, I haven’t given up anything since we’ve been doing this. Thanks to our busy schedules not intersecting more than a couple times a month, I have more than enough time for myself.”

“I wish I could say that,” Massu mutters, then shakes his head so hard that he almost clocks Shige in the face. “No, I don’t wish that. When I don’t have a lot of work, I get super bored and wish I had more. I guess what I wish is that I didn’t have to choose between all or nothing. A steady amount of work that’s spread out enough to allow a few hours of free time every day, and not just in the early morning or late evening.”

“You’re in the wrong industry for that,” Shige points out, and Massu scoffs. “Drama filming will be over soon, right?”

Massu nods. “A few more weeks. Then we’ll start rehearsing for all of the holiday music programs.”

“But before that,” Shige says with a flourish, “is Tegoshi’s birthday celebration.”

“I should get her something this year, shouldn’t I?” Massu muses out loud. “I don’t think she and I have exchanged birthday presents since our last Tegomasu tour. Is a gift card too impersonal?”

“I think all she wants this year is...us.”

Massu purses his lips as he considers that. “I suppose that would be the easiest thing to do for her. Should I put a bow on my head? Or somewhere else...”

“I don’t know if I’m ready for that yet,” Shige says slowly. “One on one is okay, but all four of us at once...just thinking about it is overwhelming.”

“Don’t do it if you don’t want to,” Massu says firmly. “Isn’t that what you all keep saying to me? Just because you’re allo doesn’t mean that you have to do it anytime someone else wants it. You get to consent too.”

“I love you,” Shige says suddenly, and all of Massu’s muscles tense before fading into a low buzz. “I’m probably fucking everything up by saying it now, but it’s how I feel, so deal with it.”

Massu laughs out loud. “This is the best confession I have ever received.”

“Good,” Shige replies, tightening his grip on Massu’s torso even more. “I want to be with you like that, just the two of us, before we do anything as a group. But that seems to put more pressure on us to do it faster than we want to.”

“Too bad I don’t want to do it now,” Massu tells him. “The timing is perfect. I could probably get in the mood if you tried. I’ve learned that I have some spots that are basically like ‘on’ buttons.”

Shige laughs. “I don’t want to seduce you just to get you to let me into your pants! I want you to want me as much as I want you. Until then, I’m fine like this. I’m just happy I can be this close to you without making myself miserable.”

“Me too,” Massu agrees, sliding his arms up Shige’s in an attempt to hug him back without moving. “I probably love you too.”

“’Probably’,” Shige scoffs, and Massu laughs hard enough to shake them both.

*

Shige’s worrying must be contagious, because Massu finds himself thinking about what’s going to happen at their next meeting and how he feels about it. It doesn’t really work because he doesn’t actually know what’s going to happen, but it’s enough to stress him out.

They congregate at Tegoshi’s again, and Massu has to pick his jaw off the floor when he sees Tegoshi in a cropped sweater and skirt with her hair pinned up in various places with sparkly barrettes.

“I felt like being femme today,” she greets him, dragging him through the door before her neighbors see. Her eyeliner is winged and it makes her look much more dramatic than usual. “Do you like it?”

“You look...different,” Massu says honestly, and her lip gloss shines as she grins. “It’s not even close to how you dressed up for our concerts.”

“I told you, that’s not comfortable.” She kicks up a leg and holds onto his arm for balance. “Kei-chan even shaved my legs. Feel them. They’re so smooth!”

Massu does as he’s told and nods politely. “Very smooth. Has Koyama been here all day?”

“Yup!” she answers brightly. “He came over early to do me so we wouldn’t be thinking about sex with you and Shige here.”

“How thoughtful of you,” Massu says automatically, his mind still distracted by Tegoshi’s skirt. “I thought you might want that from us as a birthday present.”

“I mean, I’m not gonna turn it down.” Tegoshi’s wink looks even more animated with her eye makeup. “Let’s just have fun together and see what happens, okay?”

Massu grunts and joins Koyama on the couch where he’s petting Emma, who is also wearing a skirt. Massu watches Koyama’s face and doesn’t notice anything different; it must have been long enough for the sex flush to fade.

“Yes?” Koyama prompts, giving Massu a knowing smile as he catches him staring.

“Can’t I just look at you?” Massu asks, and Koyama starts making silly faces at him.

“Shige’s gonna be late,” Tegoshi announces as she flops right between them, skirt billowing around her thighs. “He says he’s finally worked out some issue with the story he’s writing and wants to get it out of his head.”

“Typical Shige,” Koyama comments, but it’s more fond than malicious. “Shall we start without him? What are we doing tonight anyway?”

“Spoiling me!” Tegoshi exclaims. “I’m so lucky to be the first one to have a birthday since the four of us started doing this together. Go ahead, spoil me.”

Massu exchanges a look with Koyama, and together they launch a tickle attack that has Tegoshi screeching and curling up in the fetal position as she does an awful job of fighting them off. After about a minute, they fall still, Tegoshi stretching out across both of their laps as she calms down.

Her chest rises up and down from the force of her breaths, and Massu notices two lumps where there weren’t any before. “Are you wearing a bra?”

Tegoshi nods. “It matches.”

Koyama starts to pull at the collar of her sweater to expose the strap, but she slaps him lightly and they stare at each other for a few seconds before Tegoshi laughs and laces their fingers together.

Massu feels very left out with only Tegoshi’s lower half within reach. The hairless legs taunt him and he doesn’t bother to fight it, returning his hand to the smooth skin and feeling around Tegoshi’s knee where the firm muscles of her thighs begin.

“Mm, Massu, that feels nice,” Tegoshi says, and Koyama lights up when he notices that Massu’s willingly touching Tegoshi. “This is way too tedious to do every day, but I’ll do it for you sometime, if you want. Only in the winter though, since I have to look like a boy in shorts.”

She rolls her eyes like that’s the most preposterous thing in the world, but all Massu does is nod absently and focus on the textile stimulation. She seems to be enjoying it as much as he is, reaching her other hand down to gently hold onto Massu’s arm.

“You might want to stop if you don’t want me to get turned on,” Tegoshi breathes out, and Massu jumps back like he’d been burned. “So much for getting it out of my system before you got here.”

“I’m just that irresistible,” Massu says flatly, and Tegoshi laughs as she sits up.

“Let’s watch Kei-chan lose at video games until Shige arrives,” is all she says, hopping to her feet and flouncing into her recliner faster than Massu can blink.

Koyama takes the controller with the air of someone who’s been set up to fail his entire career, and Massu actually laughs as Tegoshi’s character kills all the bad guys while Koyama’s still figuring out how to load his gun. It’s almost too easy to make fun of him; even Massu could play better than this, not that he’s about to go up against Tegoshi even in a collaborative game.

Tegoshi’s calling out button sequences so loudly that none of them hear the knock at the door until all three of their phones go off at the same time.

“Ah, Shige’s here,” Tegoshi calls out needlessly. “Massu, can you let him in?”

“I suppose,” Massu agrees, though it’s hard to drag his eyes away from a spectacular explosion on Koyama’s part of the screen that there is no way he actually intended.

“Oh good, your clothes are on,” Shige greets him, and Massu gives him an amused look as he helps him carry in the few bags he’d brought with him. “I heard screaming and thought you might have decided to do it without me.”

“I’d definitely be a third wheel with those two,” Massu says, enjoying the way Shige’s face looks equal parts scandalized and curious when he sees Tegoshi. “She felt like being femme today,” Massu adds helpfully.

“Shige!” Tegoshi exclaims, throwing her controller down and running to Shige. She jumps right into his arms, nearly knocking him off balance as she locks her legs around his waist.

Shige looks at a loss where to put his hands, but Tegoshi seems to hold herself up on her own and Shige waddles them back into the living room, where Koyama’s still losing even though Tegoshi hasn’t been moving her character for at least a minute.

“Shige, they’re being mean to me,” Koyama whines, still trying to shoot at least one bad guy in this game. Bless his heart.

“They do that,” Shige replies unhelpfully, and Koyama pouts up at him. “I brought some alcohol and snacks. I wasn’t sure what kind of party this is going to be.”

Tegoshi hops down abruptly and straightens out her skirt. “If we’re going to be drinking, I want to talk to you all about something first.”

Massu looks at her expectantly, but instead of speaking, she pulls them all by their arms like she’s positioning them for a photoshoot. Massu and Shige are guided to the couch while Koyama is unceremoniously flung into the recliner, where she joins him. It’s not really made for two people but they’re both so thin that they just fit, Koyama easily coiling his long limbs around Tegoshi just like Shige had done to Massu the other night.

“I want to preface this by saying that there is absolutely no obligation to do this just because I want you to,” Tegoshi starts, and Massu thinks that nothing good can follow that. “It won’t be good for me if you’re not into it, so don’t fake it. Understand?”

Massu nods obediently. Next to him, Shige’s nod is slower, like he’s still trying to process the words in his brain. Koyama has no reaction; he probably already knows what Tegoshi is going to say.

“I wanna watch Massu and Shige together.”

Shige’s breath hitches while Massu just stares. “We haven’t done that yet,” Massu says evenly.

“I know,” Tegoshi replies. “That makes it even better. It’ll be your first time together, and it’ll be beautiful.”

Her smile is comforting enough that Massu thinks he might be able to do it, except that Shige is frozen next to him, possibly not even breathing.

“Again, you don’t have to,” Tegoshi goes on. “But if there’s a chance that you want to, even just a little bit, I’d really like to see it. Kei-chan and I won’t be involved unless you want us to. It can be whatever you want to do, however you want to make each other feel good. Please just allow me to witness it.”

Massu considers how his skin burns at the suggestion and figures that’s his answer right there. He turns to look at Shige, who’s gaping at Tegoshi like she’d just asked him to set fire to Tokyo Skytree, and Massu’s mildly offended.

“Shige?” he tries, and now that gape is directed toward him. “I don’t mind if you don’t.”

That has Koyama’s eyes widening, and Tegoshi fails at trying not to look too excited as she waits for her answer. Massu tilts his head curiously, wondering once again what’s going through Shige’s mind. If only there was some way he could just snap his fingers and clear it so Shige could focus on the present moment and not all of the things that could go wrong.

“You’re on board with this?” Shige finally squawks out, and Massu would laugh at the way his voice cracks if he wasn’t so distraught. “I...ah, fuck it. Let’s do it.”

Massu blinks. Maybe he really did manage to clear Shige’s mind by sheer will alone. “Really?”

Shige nods firmly, and Tegoshi squeals. “Best birthday present _ever_.”

“I’m tired of stressing out about it,” Shige explains, looking considerably less bothered now that he’s given in. “If Taka is okay with it, so am I.”

“Okay!” Tegoshi claps her hands together. “Now that everyone has consented, we may drink.”

“At least you listen to _something_ I say,” Shige grumbles as he stands up to make drinks. Massu follows him under the pretense of helping, taking the opportunity to talk to him away from the others to make sure he’s not being pressured into this.

“Do you really want to?” he whispers, and Shige spills a little whiskey as he pours his own glass. “I told you, I won’t want it unless you do too.”

Shige lifts his eyes to meet Massu’s, holding him in an intense eyelock as he says, “I do want you. I’ve wanted you for years, and if you’re going to let me touch you and enjoy it, then who the fuck am I to deny myself any longer?”

“Years?” Massu repeats, and Shige nods. “We better get to it, then.”

They distribute the drinks and it’s almost comical how Massu and Shige simultaneously take giant swigs of theirs, setting them on the coasters that Tegoshi probably didn’t know she owned before turning to each other like they were about to go to war.

“Maybe just kiss to start?” Tegoshi says gently, and Massu nods to himself more than to her.

It’s easy to lean forward, cradling Shige’s face in his hand as their mouths come together, igniting that spark that Massu hasn’t felt since their first date. Shige’s jaw is prickly and it’s such a far cry from Tegoshi’s smooth legs that Massu seeks out more of it, guiding him closer as he reacquaints himself with Shige’s lips.

Shige’s hand rests on Massu’s side and Massu jerks in surprise, grabbing Shige’s wrist when he goes to pull it away and putting it right back where it was. He tries to get into it, but the knowledge that Tegoshi and Koyama are there (_watching_) is at the forefront of his mind and he can’t seem to let himself go completely.

“I’m sorry,” he says, falling out of Shige’s mouth to frown across the room at their spectators. “I’m stuck in my head.”

“You don’t have to—” both Shige and Tegoshi start, and Massu cuts them both off.

“I want to!” he practically yells, laughing when Koyama hides behind Tegoshi. “I’ve told you all this already, right? I can’t just decide to do it and suddenly everything is sexy. I need to get into the mood, which isn’t gonna happen as long as I feel like I’m filming an AV movie.”

“This is my fault,” Tegoshi says quickly. “I shouldn’t have brought it up and just let it happen naturally. But we’re not supposed to decide those things when we’re drunk. Your consent rules suck, Shige.”

Shige scoffs, and Koyama pats Tegoshi’s arm and gently suggests that she reword that.

“Would it help if we did it too?” Koyama offers, and Tegoshi’s eyes widen at the suggestion. “Massu seemed to like watching me when we were in the shower, so—”

“The shower?” Tegoshi repeats, gaping at Massu like it’s scandalous. “I thought you just made out that one time.”

“That was the first shower,” Massu informs her. “In the second one, he went down on me and then got himself off.”

“You didn’t tell me that!” Tegoshi hisses to Koyama, twisting her body enough to look back at him, but she’s grinning.

“I don’t tell you everything.” Koyama makes a face at her, then turns back to Massu. “What do you think, Massu?”

“Didn’t you two already do it today?” Massu asks.

Tegoshi bursts out laughing. “That was like four hours ago. Kei-chan’s been hard the entire time we’ve been sitting here.”

“I’m sure I’m not the only one,” Koyama says pointedly, moving his hand behind the arm of the recliner until Tegoshi’s eyes roll back into her head. “Just as I thought.”

“Show me,” Massu says, the words coming out of his mouth before his brain catches up, and Tegoshi gives him an incredulous look as she repositions Koyama once more, this time sitting up while she straddles his lap backwards.

Massu inhales sharply at the movement under Tegoshi’s skirt, which speeds up as Tegoshi arches her whole body, leaning her head back on Koyama’s shoulder while keeping her eyes on Massu. She moans out loud and Koyama latches his mouth onto her neck, hips rolling against her from below as she thrusts into his hand, her thigh muscles bulging from the effort.

“How much do you want to see, Massu?” Tegoshi asks, her voice sinfully low. “I could ride him just like this.”

Koyama whimpers and Shige might have too. Massu thinks about glancing to the side to see how Shige’s handling this turn of events, but he can’t tear his eyes away long enough to do so. Shige hasn’t gotten up and left yet, so he must not disapprove that much.

“Yuuko,” Koyama says, and Tegoshi grunts. “Didn’t you say that Massu wasn’t interested until he felt you hard against his back in the bathtub?”

“I did say that,” Tegoshi gets out between moans.

“And he wasn’t interested until he saw me hard in the shower,” Koyama goes on. “I wonder...”

“What is it with Massu and water?” Shige asks, the first thing he’s said since Koyama and Tegoshi have gotten started, and Massu shrugs. “I feel like I should take you to the onsen.”

“I think it’s less about the water and more about the erection,” Koyama says, and sure enough, Massu’s eyes dart down when Koyama starts inching up Tegoshi’s skirt. “Right?”

Massu doesn’t say anything; he doesn’t need to with the way he’s staring, his breathing getting heavier as more and more of Tegoshi’s thighs are exposed until they meet black lace panties. Koyama’s hand is visibly moving inside them, but only until Tegoshi unceremoniously kicks them off and Massu sees her hard flesh squeezed from base to tip, Koyama’s thumb swiping the head on the upstroke.

_Now_ Massu’s in the mood. Koyama’s astute when it comes to certain things, it seems. Massu can’t find the words to express what he wants, so he just flings his arm out to the side and smacks Shige’s leg a few times before finding his arm and yanking him closer.

“Yes?” Shige says facetiously, and Massu huffs. “I can’t read your mind, Taka. If you want me to do something, you should say so.”

“Do something,” Massu replies, just as facetiously, though his tone changes abruptly when Shige’s mouth finds his neck. “Oh my god please touch me,” he hisses out.

“I’m getting there,” Shige mumbles into his skin, and this time the depth of his voice goes straight into Massu’s pants. “Can I go under your clothes?”

Massu sighs. “Yes, anything you want is fine. I consent to all of it.”

Koyama lifts his eyebrows at that, but Massu ignores him in favor of Shige’s hands sliding under his sweater, fingers skating along his skin. Shige acquaints himself with the muscles of Massu’s chest and Massu is sufficiently seduced, his body temperature rising considerably until he reaches back to pull his sweater over his head.

“Now I get to see,” Tegoshi says happily, her own breath ragged as she rocks back and forth on Koyama’s lap. “Be good to him, Shige.”

“You don’t have to tell me that,” Shige mutters, and Massu lets out a laugh before Shige brushes his nipples and he arches. “Do you like this?”

Nodding, Massu struggles to keep his eyes open and trained on Koyama’s hand moving up and down Tegoshi’s cock, much slower than Tegoshi would like judging by the force of her hips. Koyama doesn’t give in, though he does reach into his pocket for something and lets go of Tegoshi long enough to put it on his fingers.

“_Yes_,” Tegoshi moans when Koyama returns between her legs, only further back this time. “Fuck, I’m gonna ride you so hard.”

“Do it,” Koyama presses into her shoulder, using this sultry voice that Massu hasn’t heard before. “Try to last long enough for Massu and Shige to get their clothes off, will you?”

“Working on it,” Shige says pointedly, and his voice is much closer now. His body is practically twisted to pay attention to Massu while sitting next to him, and Massu thinks it would be more comfortable if he lay on the couch and pulled Shige down on top of him.

He gets as far as scooting back before Shige’s in his mouth, making it much easier to come together even if Massu can’t see Koyama and Tegoshi anymore. He saw what he needed to, his body curling beneath Shige’s weight as his hands go straight for the buttons on Shige’s shirt.

“Must you always wear button-downs?” Massu hisses impatiently, and Shige laughs into their kiss.

“Gotta make you work for it,” Shige teases, and Massu’s in the process of forming a glare until Shige grinds down and pulls a groan from deep within Massu’s lungs that surprises himself. “Oh, that’s nice,” Shige adds.

“Make him do that again,” Koyama calls out, and Tegoshi’s moan could be a cosign.

“I could do this all night,” Shige says, hips rocking against Massu’s. “God, you’re so hard. Whatever you want me to do, I will. Please let me make you come.”

Massu tries to answer, but all he can do is moan. Shige feels so good on top of him, moving against him and rubbing their erections together, the soft material of their pants creating even more friction. Massu inwardly praises his decision to not wear jeans tonight as Shige kisses him deeply, tongues sliding together as he finally feels the passion that Shige had been holding back for so long.

Then Tegoshi makes a filthy sound and Koyama must be inside her, the recliner shifting like they’re already moving. Massu supposes it would be easier since they already did it once today, Tegoshi’s body still mostly stretched. He’s curious enough to turn out of their kiss, focusing his eyes on the sight before him while Shige just kisses down his jaw and along his neck, finding a spot that has Massu thrusting up involuntarily.

Tegoshi’s bouncing up and down on Koyama’s lap, wearing only her skirt and black bra while Koyama’s hands roam all over her chest. He’d lost some clothes too, his pants shoved down around his ankles while his shirt had been haphazardly tossed to the floor. Tegoshi looks like she’s prying her eyes open, staring straight at Massu and Shige, and she lifts up her skirt when she notices that Massu’s attention has returned to her.

It’s surreal to watch Tegoshi’s body accept Koyama’s cock over and over, so mesmerizing that he’s not paying much attention to what Shige’s doing to him until he feels his pants opened. All he does is lift his hips to be helpful, and Shige groans into his neck as he pushes the garment down Massu’s legs, his hands lingering on Massu’s muscles on their way back up.

Massu returns the favor, and they manage to get out of the rest of their clothes without interrupting their rhythm. It should feel weird to lie completely naked on Tegoshi’s couch with an equally as naked man on top of him, or at the very least a little cold, but Massu feels neither of those things. Since it’s Shige, Massu loves it, letting out another low groan when his cock makes contact with Shige’s with no barriers between them this time.

Shige’s hands haven’t left Massu’s lower half, squeezing the flesh of Massu’s ass that has Massu’s thighs falling open enough for Shige to fall between them. It’s easier to move together this way, Massu’s ankles hooking behind Shige’s calves to keep him right where he is.

“Taka,” Shige whispers, moving up to Massu’s ear so that only Massu can hear him. “Do you like being touched inside?”

The way he words it is as erotic as what he’s implying, but Massu doesn’t have as sexy of an answer for him. “I don’t know. I haven’t had that done to me before.”

“Really?” Shige asks, leaning up on his elbows to look down at him. He looks positively gorgeous, disheveled and flushed with hooded eyes and kiss-swollen lips that Massu wants to taste again. “Do you usually top, then?”

“I guess?” Massu answers, frowning as he tries to make his brain work enough to think about it. “I’ve only been with women...ciswomen, that is. And there weren’t that many. And it was a long time ago. So, to answer your question, I don’t know if I like it.”

“Oh, okay,” Shige answers, abandoning Massu’s ass to move his hands up to Massu’s torso. “I understand.”

“You can try, if you want,” Massu offers, and Shige tenses. “You just have to stop if I decide I don’t like it.”

“I will definitely do that,” Shige promises, then laughs. “This will probably be the most awkward part right here.” He leans up enough to call out to Koyama, “Kei, pass me the lube.”

Massu expects Tegoshi’s squeal before he hears it, her face lighting up in joy as much as it can while mid-coital. Koyama’s aim sucks, but Emma runs over from her dog bed and retrieves the tube, bringing it to Shige when he calls her over.

“Good girl,” Shige tells her, and Massu notices that he’s careful not to touch her as he takes the tube from her mouth.

“Stop corrupting my dog,” Tegoshi chastises him.

“Your dog has been watching you get fucked this whole time,” Shige shoots back. “You are corrupting her more than me.”

“We’re _making love_,” Tegoshi corrects, and Massu smiles at the two of them finally escalating their feelings after so long of keeping it casual. “Emma, go to bed.”

The poodle hops back into her dog bed and curls up. Massu wonders if he should think that it’s messed up to do this in front of a dog, but then something wet is inching its way up the inside of his thigh and his attention shifts. He tries to relax, fully aware that nothing is going anywhere if he’s too tense, but Shige doesn’t seem too keen on rushing, spiraling around the muscles of Massu’s upper thigh before even approaching his rim.

“Take your time,” Shige tells him, dragging his lips back down to Massu’s neck to distract him. “I am not in a hurry. We aren’t competing with those two.”

That has Massu snorting. “We’d definitely be losing if we were.”

Tegoshi demands both of their attention with a shrill moan, and Massu turns in time to see Koyama’s hand around her cock again as she leans back against him. Her skirt is still hiked up and the sight is so obscene and beautiful at the same time that Massu just gasps when Shige’s finger makes contact with his rim, automatically pushing back to feel more.

“Okay?” Shige asks, his lips brushing Massu’s earlobe as Massu nods. “Your body is so responsive to me.”

Massu doesn’t know what to say to that, so he doesn’t say anything and watch a blush form from Tegoshi’s face all the way down her chest. She has to be close, her rhythm sloppy as she struggles to keep up, Koyama stroking her at the same speed he’s thrusting up into her. Massu feels it when she comes, his own body jerking along with Tegoshi’s as she spends herself on her own stomach.

Koyama finishes with her, intensifying Massu’s sympathy arousal, and the pair of them fall still, Tegoshi twisting herself around to kiss Koyama as they ride whatever orgasmic waves they’re feeling together.

Massu’s jolting sensations don’t stop, because now Shige is lightly tracing circles around his rim and Massu hasn’t felt a need quite like this before. The muscle moves on its own, contracting and relaxing from Shige’s intimate touch, and Massu doesn’t realize he’s lifted his knees to Shige’s waist until Shige’s free hand runs down the back of his thigh, squeezing the muscle. Then Shige’s fingertip slips inside him and Massu moans out loud, pinning Shige’s hips between his knees to hold himself steady like that will keep Shige from pulling away.

“More?” Shige asks, and Massu nods again. His finger slips in easily, though he doesn’t force it, guiding it in knuckle by knuckle until Massu feels the rest of Shige’s hand bumping his ass. Slowly, Shige pulls back and pushes back in, stretching Massu out a little more each time and subsequently driving him crazy with want.

“I like it,” he says needlessly.

Shige hums happily into his neck, and Massu returns his head upright now that there’s no longer anything to watch across the room. Shige’s kiss is much deeper now, loosening Massu up with each flick of his tongue, and the next thing Massu knows a second finger has joined the first, stimulating him somewhere he hasn’t been touched before.

They move a little faster now, a little more pointed, and Shige groans low in his throat when his cock bumps Massu’s. Massu likes the way that sounds and reaches down to take Shige in hand, touching him for the first time, and Shige’s appreciative noises are enticing as Massu strokes him slowly, feeling for himself how hard this is making him.

“Taka,” he breathes out, hips snapping to push through the funnel of Massu’s fingers. Massu squeezes each time his own body tenses from Shige’s own fingers, creating a cycle of pleasure that has Massu growing accustomed to feeling movement inside of him.

“I want you,” Massu blurts out, and he feels Shige’s next thrust deep inside him. “Do that inside me, Shige, please.”

Shige’s next breath is audible, and Massu gasps when a third finger stretches him even more. “I _never_ thought I would hear you say that to me. Absolutely, I will. Can you reach my pants?”

“I don’t think so,” Massu replies distractedly. “Why do you need your pants?”

“I have a condom in there,” Shige explains, and the reality of the situation weighs heavy on Massu’s heart. “Trust me, you want me to wear one.”

“Koyama and Tegoshi didn’t use one,” Massu points out.

“Tegoshi lives here,” Shige tells him. “Think about what is going to come out of me and where it’s going to end up if I don’t wear one.”

That has Massu scrunching up his nose, on which Shige presses a kiss and laughs as he leans up enough to glance around. “Either of you feel like being helpful and finding my pants?”

“What do you need, a condom?” Tegoshi asks lazily, grinning when he nods. “Yay! Massu and Shige are gonna have sex. Kei-chan, wake up.”

Massu turns his head to find Koyama completely passed out in the recliner and laughs out loud. “You wore him out.”

“Yeah,” Tegoshi says smugly as she lifts up the arm of the recliner to open a secret console. “I think I have some in here. They might be expired though.”

“It’s not like I’m gonna get him pregnant,” Shige says impatiently, which only intensifies as Tegoshi takes her sweet time looking around. “Well?”

Tegoshi closes the console with a sigh. “You’re such a bitch when you’re horny. Fine, I will get up and find you one, but only because I want to see you and Massu come together like this.”

“You’re the bitch,” Shige mutters, and Massu shakes his head at the pair of them bickering even at a time like this. Shige’s three fingers are doing well to keep Massu from caring about much other than being penetrated in the near future, and with the way Shige’s thrusting into his hand, he probably feels similarly.

“Here,” Tegoshi says a few minutes later, beaming Shige right in the face with the condom packet, and Shige looks like he wants to murder her until Massu opens the packet and starts to roll it on.

“Shige,” Massu says, sliding his hands up Shige’s arms to grab onto his shoulders. “Please take care of me.”

Shige’s expression melts, and Shige nods hard enough to send sweat flying from his hair as he leans back and pulls his fingers from Massu’s body. Massu feels strangely empty, especially with his thighs spread wide like this, and he squirms as air blows somewhere it usually doesn’t. Shige’s only gone long enough to apply more lubrication to his length, then he’s urging Massu’s legs a little higher and Massu’s eyes roll back into his head when he feels the blunt head of Shige’s cock on his stretched rim.

“I love you,” Shige says firmly, and Massu’s breath hitches from everything he feels. “Even if you never want to do this again, I’m grateful you wanted it this time.”

Then he’s pushing in, slowly and carefully. His face emulates exactly how Massu feels, like it’s too much and not enough at the same time, and all Massu can do is extend his arms to wrap around Shige’s upper back, holding him as close as he can. Shige drags his lips up Massu’s chest as he bottoms out, thighs meeting Massu’s ass as Shige inhales sharply like he’s the one adjusting to having something much bigger than a couple fingers inside him.

“Are you okay?” Massu asks, and Shige laughs in a way that Massu feels deep inside.

“You being the one to ask me that...” Shige shakes his head. “I’m _fine_. Are _you_ okay?”

“I’m...full,” Massu replies, frowning as he squirms. “I think I want you to move? Please go slow.”

“Whatever you want,” Shige says, pressing a kiss to Massu’s sternum since he can’t reach any higher.

He slowly pulls out a little bit, then pushes back in at the same speed and Massu’s hips rock up on their own, taking him deeper than either of them had intended. Shige’s surprised moan is beautiful, making Massu’s skin buzz even more with such a strong need that it kind of scares him, but it’s okay because it’s Shige.

Gradually, it becomes easier to move, and Shige clings to Massu with both arms wrapped tightly around his shoulders, crying out into his chest with every thrust. They start off shallow, then get deeper, Massu’s legs lifting automatically to wrap around Shige’s waist and take him exactly where he wants him. It’s easy for him to match Shige’s rhythm and forget about everything but Shige pounding inside him and all of the indescribable things that makes him feel.

“Shige,” he calls out, more desperate than he really feels, but he might have skipped a couple breaths and his brain is too clouded to predetermine any actions.

“Yeah?” Shige replies, prying one of his hands away from Massu’s shoulder to slide down his body, feeling more of the muscles and flesh that are moving on their own. “Is it good?”

Massu moans in response, hoping that’s a good enough answer as Shige snaps his hips a little faster, probably figuring that’s what Massu wanted. It wasn’t, but it is now, Massu’s head falling back as he chokes on his air and pushes back the best he can.

“Oh my god,” Shige breathes into his skin. “You feel so good, Taka.”

“You too,” Massu gets out, his body demanding even more when Shige finds a spot inside him that makes him see stars. “_Fuck_, do that again.”

Shige’s next thrust has a lot more momentum behind it, hitting that spot four more times before Massu’s flailing his arms with tension he doesn’t know how to release.

“Do you want to come?” Shige asks, and Massu realizes that’s exactly what he wants.

He manages a nod and Shige shoves a hand between them, wrapping his fingers around Massu’s cock and Massu can’t keep his mouth closed, all kinds of noises spilling out as Shige strokes him at about half the speed that he’s fucking him. It’s more than enough for Massu, whose body starts to jerk and tremble on its own, and his orgasm hits him before he’s ready for it, taking him over completely for a good number of seconds before he comes back to earth.

Shige’s trembling on top of him, and Massu’s concerned enough to force open his eyes in time to watch Shige’s face contort in what can only be his own orgasm. Massu feels it pulse inside him and watches in awe as Shige visibly tenses, then falls limp, barely catching himself on both elbows before crashing down on top of Massu, gasping for breath and letting out the quietest, _dirtiest_ moan as he comes.

“That was beautiful,” Massu says honestly, his brain currently unavailable to censor his thoughts before they reach the air. “I’m so glad we did this.”

Shige’s smile looks even better post-coital. “Me too.”

“You’re welcome,” calls out a voice from across the room, and Massu can’t bring himself to look away from Shige’s hooded eyes. “Don’t forget to clean him up, Shige. Aftercare is important.”

“I know that!” Shige hisses, and Massu laughs as the man on top of him turns to glare at the whole reason they did this to begin with. “I don’t have to hear that from you of all people.”

“’Of all people’,” Tegoshi repeats with a scoff. The recliner shifts, followed by light footsteps, and her voice is down the hall when she speaks again. “You’re lucky I care about Massu enough to do _your_ job.”

Shige returns to Massu, rolling his eyes. “Next time, we’re doing this without an audience.”

Massu doesn’t mind very much, especially when Tegoshi returns with a warm washcloth and starts wiping the come off of Massu’s belly. It’s sweet and doting in a way that he wouldn’t have associated with Tegoshi before now, a feeling which intensifies once Shige pulls out and Tegoshi moves down, gently cleaning up the excess lube from between his legs.

“How was it?” Tegoshi asks conversationally, like they’re talking about anything other than what they actually are. “It looked really intense.”

“It was,” Massu answers, still struggling to catch his breath. “I’m glad we finally did it.”

“Me too,” Shige says, leaning up for a kiss before he gets up to throw away the condom. Tegoshi puckers up for a kiss of her own, but Shige ignores her and she frowns so hard that Massu does it instead.

She gasps against his lips, but quickly switches gears as Massu slides his hand up her (smooth) jaw into her soft hair, kissing her with the last of his energy. It feels a thousand times more passionate after sex, which would be interesting to think about if Massu’s brain was interested in thinking right now. As it is, Tegoshi gives it back just as much, and Massu barely registers Shige returning to the couch until those arms wrap around him and a head lies on his shoulder.

Tegoshi’s laughing as she pulls back, Massu blinking at being the one left hanging. “Kei-chan will never forgive us if the three of us do this without him.”

“Is he still asleep?” Massu asks, and Tegoshi nods.

“Don’t worry,” she says with a smirk. “He’ll wake up in an hour or so and want to go again. He’s insatiable like that. But so am I. That’s why we go well together.”

“Just thinking about having sex again is exhausting,” Shige mutters, and Massu nods in agreement. “Is he sleeping over?”

“Probably,” Tegoshi says. “You both can stay too if you want. I bet we could all fit in my bed.”

“I’m gonna pass on that,” Massu says apologetically. “I have filming tomorrow and I wanted to get some things done in the morning. In fact, as soon as I can move, I’ll probably leave.”

“I have morning plans too,” Shige says, but he leans across Massu to press a soft kiss to Tegoshi’s lips. “Happy birthday, princess.”

Tegoshi’s smile wavers a little at the term of endearment, snuggling for a few more minutes before helping them both back into their clothes and onto their feet.

“Good night, Keiichiro,” Massu whispers as he presses a kiss to the forehead of the sleeping man in the recliner, who is completely nude with a blanket haphazardly thrown across him. “I look forward to cleaning with you next week.”

“You two have such a strange dynamic,” Tegoshi comments, and Shige nods sleepily.

“The same can be said for us,” Massu says pointedly, and Tegoshi just shrugs as Massu approaches her for a goodbye kiss. He moves from her to Shige without opening his eyes, both of them so different but equally as enjoyable.

His brain still hasn’t returned to active duty when he gets home, at least anymore than is required to drive safely, and Massu’s okay with that. He’s happy, his body beyond satisfied, and his heart feels really, really big. And right now, that’s all that matters.

*

Massu’s drama conveniently finishes filming at the same time preparations for the holiday music shows get underway. There are still three entire days where Massu has nothing scheduled, during which he plans a small vacation down south to escape the cold and relax after a jam-packed couple of months.

The benefit to having multiple people to spend time with is that there’s usually someone available for whatever he wants to do, but this time the other three all have TV shows to record that impede any of them joining him.

Nakamaru has work too, but only on the first day. He agrees to fly down and stay the second night, and that’s more than enough to elate Massu. He loves vacationing with Nakamaru; the pair of them can really exist anywhere doing anything and have a good time. That’s part of what has kept them such best friends for so long—the other is bonding over their respective boyband drama.

Even if he has to spend the first day by himself, Massu is no stranger to travelling alone. There’s a certain appeal of not having to worry about another person and just wandering around aimlessly, taking as long as he wants in the stores and enjoying the peace and quiet on the practically secluded beach. Even if it’s Okinawa, it’s still the middle of the week in December and there aren’t many people visiting the ocean.

He pulls out his phone and scrolls up in the group chat, though there hasn’t been much activity since he left this morning. As the days go by, the information to be shared decreases and Massu knows that’s the inevitable result of simply running out of things to say. Tegoshi had warned them all about “New Relationship Energy” (which Koyama immediately punned as “NEWS Relationship Energy”) and how after a couple of months the initial excitement of being in a relationship starts to fade.

“It’s because we’re getting comfortable with each other,” Tegoshi had explained. “This is actually a good thing, but it can become a bad thing if we’re not careful. Let’s make sure to appreciate each other and continue to be affectionate so that we don’t take each other for granted.”

Appreciation and affection have never been a problem for Koyama, who greets them all individually every morning with support for whatever they have going on that day along with an “I love you.” It’s like he’s the relationship leader as well as the group leader, reminding them of their strong feelings for each other before their eyes are even all the way open.

Like Massu could forget. With everything he’s learned since they first started doing this, he still doesn’t understand the specifics of their situation and how it compares to other people’s relationships, even polyamorous ones. He supposes he doesn’t really need to, but it’s getting to the point where he does want to share it with his family, to tell them he’s found his own way to give and receive love so they don’t worry about him growing old alone anymore.

As he stares out into the sea, which is a little rough and choppy, he realizes that nothing has changed in that aspect. He’s never felt like he was growing old alone, because the four of them have been a default setting since their last reformation and plan to continue that way regardless of any feelings for each other. Even when one of the others would be seriously dating someone, NEWS came first, and Massu always felt that wasn’t very fair to the person they were seeing.

The waves calm down enough for the water to sparkle under the setting sun, and Massu takes a picture to send in the group chat. He captions it _Wish you were here_ and feels lame for the forty-five seconds it takes him to get bombarded with heart emojis from all three of them. Koyama and Shige share a picture of the pair of them riding in the back of a car, probably on their way back from wherever they had gone for News na Futari, and Tegoshi’s selfie has her suited up in her soccer gear with two little pigtails on top of her head.

_It’s so cold outside!_ Koyama chastises her. _Be sure to stay warm!_

_I’ll be fine!_ Tegoshi replies. _You can warm me up later_.

Massu shakes his head at those two, though he laughs when Koyama replies, _You should see how red Shige’s face is right now_. To which Tegoshi responds, _Bring him along!_ and Massu doesn’t need Koyama to describe Shige’s reaction to that.

_I don’t mind if you do that without me_, Massu tells them. It’s not the first time he’s said it, but he feels that it warrants repeating now. _I want you to feel good whether I’m there or not, and the three of you want it much more than I do, so it works out for everyone._

_Do I get a say in this?!_ Shige types, and Massu can only imagine what Koyama is trying to get away with in the back of a staff car.

_Please take care of our Shige_, Massu says, getting two “Okay!”s and an unimpressed face emoji in response.

He pockets his phone after that, returning to the nice weather and the beautiful sunset that seems to cement his feelings for the three with whom he’d just exchanged messages. There’s something to be said about experiencing something so strong when he’s by himself, but he’s probably not the one to say it. If Massu could ever put words to his feelings, he wouldn’t know what to do with them all.

He ducks into a small restaurant for dinner and makes small talk with the locals over fried goya and Okinawa soba noodles. He hadn’t planned to drink alcohol, but the others talk him into trying a home-brewed mead and he wanders around the town feeling even more warm and fuzzy than before.

There are a few bars that look inviting, but Massu just files them away for tomorrow once Nakamaru is there. A man going out by himself invokes the wrong idea, and Massu doesn’t want to put himself in a position to be hit on. Besides, there’s nothing to really be gained by drinking more, and while he could probably keep eating he definitely shouldn’t.

He ends up back at the ryokan, close enough to the sea to hear the waves crash against the shore, and he takes his time in the public bath. He’s so happy and relaxed without a care or worry in the world, at least for the time being. And when he reluctantly drags himself out of the water and crawls into the futon, he sleeps peacefully and dreamlessly, waking up naturally without an alarm for the first time in several months.

Nakamaru shows up around noon, all smiles and beach shorts that he probably hadn’t gotten around to packing up for the winter yet. He also hadn’t bothered to brush his hair before shoving it under a hat, and Massu finds a sense of comfort in how un-idol-like his best friend still is after two decades in the industry.

This day isn’t much different than the first, only now Massu has a companion and doesn’t have to worry about going to bars alone. After an afternoon full of window shopping, irresponsible eating (“I know we just ate lunch, _but_...”), and an impromptu snorkling session, the pair of them settle in for an evening of drinking and live music at one of the establishments Massu had passed by the night before.

It’s impossible to talk with loud folk music blaring from the speakers, so the pair of them catch up between sets, filling each other in on their respective work and family business as they throw back their drinks. Massu doesn’t have to worry about getting sloppy drunk with this one, because Nakamaru is just as much of a lightweight as Massu is and it wouldn’t be the first time they spilled their guts to each other or stumbled back to wherever they were staying arm and arm. Usually both.

“How’s the love square?” Nakamaru asks around the third round, when Massu’s tipsy enough to laugh out loud at the joke.

“They’re probably fucking without me,” Massu over-shares, and Nakamaru makes a face. “I told them to. It takes some of the pressure off me, you know? They can work out that kind of tension with each other so they don’t always want it from me.”

“So, you haven’t slept with any of them yet?” Nakamaru asks knowingly, and Massu feels a little called out.

“I’ve done things,” he replies evasively. “If I feel like it and one of them is around, it happens. The only time it’s happened as a group was at our last meeting for Tegoshi’s birthday, but even then we were paired off.”

“You still call them meetings,” Nakamaru points out, and Massu tilts his head in confusion. “You’ve all agreed to this arrangement, right? Surely you can start calling them _dates_ and having them more than once a month.”

“None of us wants that,” Massu thinks out loud. “We all have our individual activities, and seeing each other separately, that doing it more often would be overkill. This works _because_ we only do it once a month.”

“As long as you’re happy,” Nakamaru tells him, and Massu flashes the cheesiest grin he can manage. “Okay, okay, I believe you.”

They don’t stay at the bar for much longer, making fun of each other for being old men as they return to the ryokan and go straight to the baths. Aside from commenting on the warm water and how nice it feels, they bathe in silence until Massu’s fingers start to prune and he makes his way out.

Both of them pass out after flopping into their respective futons and exchanging good-nights, the crashing waves now joined with Nakamaru’s snores.

*

Now that Massu’s not working all day every day, he finds himself more open to spending his time with the other three who have managed to uproot his entire life in such a short period of time. He sees Tegoshi at least twice a week, one of which is a sleepover at her place after recording their radio show.

If anyone had told him five years ago (or even this past summer) that he would be willingly spending his private time with Tegoshi Yuuko, snuggling and laughing and sometimes kissing her, he would have called them a liar. Yet here he is, curled up with her in the recliner in which he had watched her and Koyama have sex not long ago, the pair of them shooting the zombies in her video game as a compromise for her glamming up to go out to a fancy dinner with him.

She’d washed her face the minute she got home, but her legs are still smooth and Massu keeps running the palms of his hands along them whenever he has a break from using the controller. Tegoshi makes a soft noise of contentment every time he does it, but it doesn’t escalate from there and Massu knows it’s because Shige had spent the night last night and she usually likes him to give it to her rough.

“Do you and Shige argue the whole time you have sex?” Massu asks curiously, and Tegoshi laughs hard enough to shake them both.

“Not the _whole_ time,” she answers. “But most of it.”

“I don’t understand how that is at all sexy,” Massu comments, shaking his head, and Tegoshi leans over to press a kiss to his cheek.

“You don’t have to,” she says gently. “It works for us.”

Massu makes a noncommittal noise as he considers crossing that line with Tegoshi. What sexual dynamic would they have, he wonders. His hands must follow his line of thought because they’re moving higher until Tegoshi pauses the game and physically halts him, grip firm on his wrist to pull him back down her thighs.

“Not tonight,” she says apologetically, and Massu almost laughs out loud at being the one denied here. “I’m still sore from last night and I don’t really like to top.”

“Okay,” Massu answers easily, returning to feeling the smooth skin closer to her knees. “I was just thinking about what it would be like between you and me and my hands got a mind of their own.”

“With you, I actually believe that,” Tegoshi tells him, and he nudges her in response. “I imagine it would be fun and light-hearted, just like anything else we do. You’ve seen me with Kei-chan, and I love him as much as I can feasibly love another person. Sex is sex and not really any kind of emotional release for me, unlike Kei-chan and Shige.”

“I get that from them,” Massu says. “I haven’t done it with Koyama yet, but he seems to find an emotional connection in the two of us vacuuming the cat hair off of his couch together.”

“We’re all so _different_,” Tegoshi muses, and Massu nods. “When I really think about it, it’s amazing that the four of us who are so deviant in our feelings work out so well together, but maybe it’s _because_ of that deviance. Like, I don’t really feel steady romantic love, but I still form connections in other ways, including sex. Koyama loves everyone and everything, and you are...how you are. Shige’s the most conventional out of all of us, except that he’s not into relationships, at least traditional ones that demand his time and effort, which matches with the three of us who have our own things going on and can entertain each other without solely relying on him for attention.”

Massu listens to her assessments of them all and for the most part agrees. “What do you mean ‘how I am’?” he teases.

“I don’t actually know,” she answers. “You seem to seek out physical affection like the rest of us, but sex is hit or miss. I really had to adjust to being with you without thinking about you that way, but it helps that I have Kei-chan and Shige to do those things with. I know that I’m important to you in other ways, so that makes it easier to fight the bad thoughts that say you don’t love me because you don’t want me.”

“I do love you,” Massu says firmly, abandoning the controller to wrap his arms around Tegoshi when she snuggles closer. “Whenever those bad thoughts come, I want you to remember this moment and punch them in the dick.”

Tegoshi laughs through a sniffle she isn’t bothering to try and hide. “You’re better than my therapist.”

“I’m serious, talk to me when you feel like that,” Massu tells her, and she nods. “You can send me a private message if you don’t want to say it in the group chat, or even call me. I have no problem reassuring you over and over if it means your mind will be at ease.”

“My mind will probably never be at ease,” Tegoshi says solemnly, and Massu frowns. “But thank you. It means a lot to me that you will listen to my irrational thoughts. I’ve gotten to where I can be aware of them and shut them down on my own, and if all else fails all I have to do is call Kei-chan and he will talk me down, but it’s comforting to know that I can reach out about anything specifically involving you.”

“Definitely do,” Massu tells her.

Tegoshi snorts. “We are so out of character right now.”

“We are,” Massu agrees, and they both laugh. “But that’s okay. Character development sometimes means a change, and usually for the better.”

“I’ll allow it,” Tegoshi says, turning her body in his hold enough to blink watery eyes at him. “May I kiss you?”

“Please do,” he answers, and she presses their mouths together, light and heavy at the same time. Both of her hands cradle his face while his rest at her hips, and there’s nothing sexual about how she straddles his waist to straighten her back as they solidify their feelings this way.

Naturally, they break apart and Tegoshi curls up on Massu’s chest, rising and falling with each of his breaths as he carefully places the controllers on the end table next to them. He returns his whole attention to the woman in his arms, gently rubbing her back while she stretches out on top of him, at least until he sneezes from the product in her hair and Tegoshi bursts out laughing.

“I hope we continue to exist together just like this,” she says as he rubs his nose, and that means more than any declaration of love she could have made.

*

As Christmas gets closer, NEWS gets busier, though it’s the comfortable kind of busy where Massu can keep somewhat of a normal schedule and still do everything he wants to do. He exercises and cleans with Koyama, hits up art galleries and fashion exhibits with Shige, and lounges around with Tegoshi, all while filming his TV shows and rehearsing for the upcoming music shows.

Their next member-only meeting isn’t until New Year’s Eve Eve, but it seems so far away. Maybe Nakamaru had a point about increasing the frequency of their group interactions now that they’ve grown comfortable with each other. He knows for a fact there have been at least two days this month where all four of them were free, because Koyama and Tegoshi had been together at the same time Shige and Massu were. They could have easily met up and spent the evening together as four, but no one suggested it. At the time, it had seemed like a better idea to build their individual connections to each other instead of uniting as a group.

Massu had tested the waters by telling his sister the truth about what he was doing with the other members, and she had been more surprised that he was into _anybody_ as opposed to three separate people. “Whatever makes you happy,” she had told him, although she agreed that he probably shouldn’t tell their parents until they were at a place where they planned on living together or starting a family. It simply wasn’t worth the effort to try and explain polyamory to a generation that still practices arranged marriages.

He doesn’t usually get turned on when he’s alone, at least since he’s been old enough to not be led by his hormones, but sometimes the wind blows the right way and Massu stares at his erection like he doesn’t know what to do with it. Of course, he knows what to do with it, but now that he’s in some kind of relationship with three other people, he feels like he should take advantage of the rare opportunity to involve at least one of them.

Koyama gets the call, just because Massu hasn’t been very intimate with him lately. Massu and Tegoshi cuddle all the time, and there is usually a hefty makeout session with Shige before they retreat to their separate homes for the night, but he hasn’t managed more than a quick hug with Koyama since most of what they do together leaves them worn out and not up to making much effort.

“Massu!” Koyama answers the phone, sounding elated like nothing makes him happier than to receive an unexpected call from one of his precious members. “Is everything okay? You never call me.”

“I’m, um, in the mood,” Massu greets him, then realizes that Koyama might not be alone. “Shit, are you even home?”

“I am home,” Koyama replies slowly. “What would you like me to do for you?”

“Come over, I guess,” Massu says, his voice coming out impatient as he squirms for some kind of stimulation. “You don’t have an early morning tomorrow, right?”

“I don’t, but my kitty is sick,” Koyama says apologetically. “I got her some medicine and she’s sleeping right now, but I don’t want to leave her in case something happens.”

“I understand,” Massu says quickly. “I’ll call one of the others then. No problem.”

“Massu called me first?!” Koyama exclaims, and Massu’s heart breaks a little at how surprised the other man is by this revelation. “Just because I’m not coming over doesn’t mean I can’t do _anything_ for you. Have you ever had phone sex?”

“I have not,” Massu answers. “Never really did anything for me.”

“Oh.” Koyama sounds disappointed. “We can try, if you want? And if you don’t like it, I’m sure Tegoshi will race right over to take care of you. She’s been waiting for you to want it since the night she had to turn you down.”

“I bet she has.” Massu thinks about Tegoshi riding him and gets even harder, inhaling sharply into the phone. “Tell me about that, maybe?”

“You want to hear about me and Tego?” Koyama asks, and Massu makes an affirmative noise. “Okay then. She usually jumps me, making it clear that she wants it, and we’ll try to go as long as we can before actually doing it. It’s like a game where the first person who gives in loses, except that we both win.”

With Koyama’s deep voice in his ear, it’s easy for Massu to open his pants and reach inside, gasping when he makes contact with his rigid length. “Who usually gives in first?”

“Her, it’s always her.” Koyama laughs, and even that seems to drip with sex. “It’s not really a fair fight since I’m usually stretching her with my fingers, and I think you know how that feels.”

“I don’t know how it feels to have _you_ do it,” Massu says, his words coming faster than his brain can approve of them. “Your fingers are so long, I bet you can get deep.”

“Who’s phone sexing whom here?” Koyama jokes, making a nice noise of his own, and Massu squeezes himself tighter as the vibrations tickle his ear. “Are you touching yourself?”

“Yeah,” Massu answers. “Are you?”

“Yeah.”

Their shower time replays at the forefront of his mind. This is a lot better when he has memories to accompany the filthy words. “What’s it like with Shige? Or do you two not do it since you’re both tops?”

Koyama snorts. “I am definitely not a top. I just do it for Tego, because she likes it so much. I think Shige switches too, but he was the one to go inside me. We actually just did it for the first time last week. We were both really worried about ruining our friendship, but it turned out to be fine.”

“That sounds like something both of you would worry about,” Massu says with a laugh. “Was it similar to how he was with me? I know he’s different with Tegoshi, so I wonder if it’s the same with us.”

“He’s...intense,” Koyama answers, followed by another soft moan that has Massu’s hips thrusting up into his own touch. “I didn’t really get to watch the two of you together much, but from what I remember you stayed in the same position. Shige had me all over his apartment, up against the wall and over the back of the couch, on the kitchen counter and we finally made it to his bed where I rode him to the finish.”

Massu laughs. “He must have been holding back with me.”

“I think he was nervous about us being there,” Koyama says. “That and it being your first time doing it like that. The next time you two are together, it should be more comfortable. Maybe he’ll throw you around like a ragdoll too.”

“What about us?” Massu asks, letting out his own groan as he thumbs the precome on his tip. “How would Keiichiro and Takahisa get dirty together?”

“Mm, I don’t know,” Koyama replies, his voice dropping about six octaves. “Would you want to give it to me? Or do you only like it done to you?”

“I could do it,” Massu says. His body moves on its own as if to cosign. “I’ve done it a couple times, and I enjoyed it just fine. Not in the back end though. I imagine that’s a lot tighter.”

“Yes, yes, it is,” Koyama gasps. “Even if you prep well enough, it’s still so, so tight. I’ve been fucking Tego since before we were four and she’s still so tight every time. It’s like a muscle that never loosens.”

Massu is pretty sure the front end works that way too, but he’s not about to get in a debate about the elasticity of vaginas right now. “I wanna try it sometime,” he admits. “I might not be very good at the fingering part, but I’ll do my best.”

“I can do that myself,” Koyama says easily. “Like you said, my fingers are long. I’m also very bendy.”

That has Massu’s memory morphing into a fantasy, of which he doesn’t usually indulge. Since Koyama’s painting the picture with his words, Massu supposes he will make an exception this time. Koyama’s naked body in the shower rocks onto his back, long legs up and out as he pushes his fingers inside himself, first one and then two, then _three_.

“_Fuck_,” Massu hisses, using all of his willpower not to pump himself to orgasm. “I’m so close, Kei.”

“Are you thinking about me doing that to myself?” Koyama asks, and Massu makes an affirmative noise that’s more of a whimper. “I would stretch myself for you, then you can take me however you like. What position do you want me in, Takahisa?”

The abrupt use of Massu’s full given name has a sweat breaking out all over his skin, leading him to tear his shirt over his head and push down his pants all the way to cool off. “I wanna see your face,” he says, not recognizing the husky voice that comes out. “It may be boring missionary, but I want to be on top of you, moving inside you, looking down at you to see for myself how much you like it.”

“You are really good at this,” Koyama says, and Massu preens as he pushes his sweaty bangs off of his forehead. “Do it, Taka. I’m ready for you. Fuck me.”

The vulgar command has Massu’s body taking over completely, hips snapping him up into the tight funnel of his fingers, and it becomes easier to pretend that Koyama’s the one he’s plunging deep into, soft brown hair splayed on the pillow as his face contorts as he gets close and—

A rough groan tears from Massu’s lungs as he comes, leaving his throat feeling a little sore when the mindless bliss fades and he is struggling to catch his breath. He is very much alone in his own bed, but Koyama’s panting heavily into the phone and Massu’s about to ask if he still needs to come when he _does_, calling out Massu’s full given name once again as his own breaths slow down.

“Oh, that felt good,” Massu says once he can find his words, and Koyama grunts in agreement. “Thank you so much for doing that with me.”

“It was just as good for me, trust me.” A laugh mixes with Koyama’s desperate gasps for air. “Whenever you feel like it, and my cat isn’t sick, we can definitely make it a reality. I wanna feel you deep inside me when I scream your name.”

Massu’s attention perks back up at that, but he’s far too exhausted to continue this any further. “Should we talk or something? I feel weird just calling to get off.”

“I’m fine with it if you are,” Koyama tells him. “I don’t know how good of a conversationalist I will be with how sleepy I am though. Next time, talk to me first!”

He’s laughing, and Massu takes that as a sign to say good night and end the call. He definitely needs to clean up and maybe take another bath after all of that, but for now he’s content to stay here with the lingering feelings, both physical and emotional.

_Massu tells good bedtime stories_, he sees when he checks the group chat before bed, and Shige had sent a questioning sticker while Tegoshi’s grinning emoji clearly implies that she knows exactly what Koyama had meant by that.

_I bet Shige’s are better_, Massu replies, knowing damn well that Shige will complain until somebody explains it to him, but it’s worth it to see the embarrassed face emoji when Massu rolls out of bed the next morning.

_I prefer to tell those kind of stories in person_, Shige had replied, and Massu looks forward to holding him to that.

*

There’s something inherently romantic about Christmas. In western cultures, the holiday is more about Santa Claus and Jesus Christ, whereas in Japan it’s traditionally been a day for lovers.

Massu doesn’t usually pay much attention to this since he usually has work, but this year he notices all the decorations and twinkling lights and wishes they had scheduled their meeting for Christmas Eve Eve instead. Backstage is such a clusterfuck that most of their affectionate hugs go unnoticed (not that they would be any worse than Arashi), but Massu finds himself yearning for more, as he seems to do so much lately.

“Do we have to wait until next week?” he finally blurts out after their performance, when he’s so high that nothing can bring him down, though he does have the foresight to lower his voice. “Can’t we spend time together before then?”

“Of course we can,” Tegoshi answers gently, interrupting her sympathetic face to high-five a staff member. Massu will never understand how she can switch gears so easily. “When were you thinking about doing it?”

“Tonight,” Massu answers. “It’s Christmas Eve. We don’t have anything to do tomorrow until rehearsal. I’d really like it if you all slept over at my place.”

“That’s so sweet,” Koyama tells him, “but I spend Christmas morning with my mom. We’ve done it every year since my dad left. She would probably be fine if I didn’t go, but I don’t want her to be lonely. I hope you understand.”

“Of course I do,” Massu says. “Family comes first.”

“I spend Christmas with my mom too,” Tegoshi adds apologetically. “We always thought it was dumb that it was a holiday for lovers. I like the way it’s done out west.”

“Just because you get presents,” Shige teases, and Tegoshi shrugs nonchalantly. “I’m free tonight, Taka, if you don’t mind that it’s just me.”

“I don’t mind at all.” Massu catches Shige’s eye and smiles until the visible nervousness fades. “Come over whenever you want. I’ll leave the door unlocked. In fact, I want to give you all spare keys to my apartment. Consider that my Christmas gift this year.”

“Ah!” Koyama squeals. “I’m so happy. Yours was the only one I didn’t have.”

“Massu really trusts us, huh?” Tegoshi says with a big grin.

“Yeah, so don’t make me regret it,” he replies sternly, but Tegoshi just keeps beaming at him.

Shige wants to take a bath before he comes over, so Massu does the same, soaking the busy day away before he bundles up and changes his sheets. It’s arctic temperatures outside, but Massu refuses to turn on his heater until he absolutely cannot stand it anymore, especially since he has to sing tomorrow. He has plenty of blankets and a kotatsu, not to mention their combined body heat. They’ll be fine.

He almost doesn’t hear the soft knock with the chill electronica bumping through the speakers, low enough to be background noise but loud enough to drown out a light rap on the door. Massu starts to turn it off after he lets Shige in, but Shige stops him with a gentle tap to his wrist.

“Leave it on, if you want,” Shige says, flashing a smile as he deposits his overnight bag on the dining table. “I like it.”

Massu nods distractedly, not giving much of a shit about the music as he watches Shige shred his outerwear until he’s left in a thermal shirt and sweatpants. He looks at Massu quizzically, and Massu realizes he must have an interesting look on his face.

“So, what do you want to do?” Shige asks, swinging his arms as Massu keeps staring at him. “Or do you want to go right to bed? To sleep, that is.”

His face turns pink, and not from the cold weather. Massu thinks it’s adorable and grabs the moving hands, lacing their fingers together as they stand still in his entryway.

“Yeah, let’s go to bed,” Massu answers evenly, and Shige nods as Massu lets go of one of his hands and uses the other to lead him down the hall.

It’s late enough that sleeping isn’t completely out of the question, but Massu isn’t tired at all. He crawls into his bed and scoots toward the middle while Shige does the same, and they just lie there breathing for a few seconds until their eyes adjust to the dark.

“Is it okay if I hold you for a little bit?” Massu asks, his hand returning to Shige’s arm like he can’t stop touching him. That’s probably a true fact. “I know we usually do it the other way, but I want to try it this way.”

“I’m fine with either way,” Shige tells him, and Massu’s already making a noise of contentment when Shige closes the distance between them and settles into his embrace. “I don’t mind your strong arms around me at all.”

Massu squeezes him tightly at that, then loosens his grip to lie together more comfortably. Shige’s head rests on his chest and Massu would probably feel his breath if he wasn’t wearing a thick hoodie, which he will hopefully dispose of as they warm up together.

His own face presses into Shige’s freshly-washed hair, but if he lifts his head a bit he can graze his cheek against Shige’s and speak into his ear. If Massu wanted to start something tonight, that would probably be the way to do it. They both have to dance tomorrow, but not all sex has to be penetrative.

He doesn’t want to though, at least not yet. The weight of Shige’s arm across his waist feels nice enough, the hand lightly brushing the small of his back underneath the hoodie and T-shirt he’s wearing. Massu wants to touch him too, but both of his arms are wrapped around Shige’s torso and the only place he can really reach is the top of his arm.

“I can’t think of anything to talk about,” Shige says suddenly, his voice muffled by Massu’s hoodie. “I’m wide awake, but I don’t want to stop doing this to go do something else.”

“I think it’s okay if we just lie here together and not talk,” Massu tells him, and he feels some of Shige’s tension disperse. “I will absolutely listen if you have something to say, but don’t force it. Neither one of us cares for small talk, so let’s not do it with each other.”

“Okay,” Shige agrees, somehow managing to snuggle even closer when they were already practically fused together. “I just don’t want you to get bored with me.”

That has Massu leaning back enough to put them at eye level, pressing their foreheads together. “I don’t think that’s possible. You’re not here to entertain me, right? I wanted physical intimacy and that’s exactly what I’m getting. I am very satisfied right now.”

“I believe you,” Shige says quietly. “I don’t know why I’m so insecure with you, to be honest. I don’t feel this way with Koyama or Tegoshi. It’s stupid because you and I have been friends for years, and you don’t spend your time with people you don’t like. I wouldn’t be here right now if you didn’t want me to be, and I’m still lying here wondering if you regret accepting just me when you wanted all three of us to begin with.”

“First off, your feelings are not stupid,” Massu says clearly. “Second, I think having all of you sleep over was a little ambitious on my part, because no way are four people fitting in this bed.”

Shige laughs at that. “Koyama and Tegoshi would probably sleep on the couch, but they would also fuck on it.”

“I’m sure that’s on their list of places to do it,” Massu jokes, then returns to his serious words. “I think you are more secure with them because they’re openly affectionate with you. I don’t do that very much. It’s not something that comes naturally to me. But I will try to do better, because I don’t want you to question my feelings. You might have to help me learn how though.”

“I don’t want you to do anything special just for me,” Shige rushes to say. “I’ll get over it. It’s just my stupid brain—”

“Your brain is not stupid either,” Massu cuts him off. “Listen, we all feel this way at times. Tegoshi is in therapy for it. Koyama probably should be. It’s not easy to be 100% confident of someone’s feelings when they mean so much to you. Isn’t that part of why you wanted us to be closer to begin with? So we wouldn’t have to keep wondering whether one of us was going to quit?”

“Do you ever feel that way?” Shige asks in a small voice. “You always seem so stoic, like you have everything together, but I don’t know what goes on in your mind. Do you ever worry that we’re going to change our minds and call it off?”

“Do _you_ worry about that?” Massu counter-asks, and Shige’s silence answers for him. “I guess that’s always a possibility, but there’s not really anything you can do to prevent it, right? There’s no point in worrying about something you can’t control. If it happens, it happens, and we’ll go back to being colleagues who meet once a month to talk about something other than work. I don’t like the idea of that, but it’s not the end of the world. We’ll still be NEWS, and we’ll still be together. We just won’t be together like _this_.”

Shige makes a noncommittal noise, though he tightens his hold on Massu’s waist when Massu squeezes him again. “I’m sorry, Taka. I just can’t be as linear as you. I have to consider the consequences of my actions, and one of the consequences of falling in love with you is having my heart broken.”

Even though this isn’t the first time Shige has confessed his feelings for Massu, the wording has Massu feeling that warmth all over again. “I definitely don’t want to do that to you,” Massu assures him. “But I can’t predict the future. I can only speak for the present, and probably tomorrow. At least through the New Year. My feelings may be slow to develop, but that just means they won’t fade as fast. I hope that’s enough to convince you that I really do want you here.”

“It is,” Shige whispers. “Thanks.”

“Shall we kiss now?” Massu asks, and Shige’s already nodding as they both move forward. Shige’s lips move slowly against his, interrupted by a deep breath that Massu emulates while Shige’s hand slides further up his back, drifting fingertips along the vertebrae of his spine. “That feels nice.”

“Yeah?” Shige replies, tilting his head to slide their mouths together, and Massu loses himself in the whirlwind of emotions that hit him. He lifts his arms long enough to relocate them, one hand making its way up Shige’s jaw while the other loops around his shoulder. Shige makes a faint noise that dies on Massu’s tongue and Massu gently strokes Shige’s hair, feeling the other man finally relax from his touch, and they break apart naturally, pressing their lips together a few more times before Shige tucks his head under Massu’s shoulder again.

“Feelings are exhausting,” Shige mutters, and Massu shakes with laughter as he agrees.

*

The New Year’s Eve Eve members-only meeting is similar to the work meeting they’d had the other day, only it was about what they wanted to do together as a group in the upcoming year personally as well as professionally. It was Shige’s idea to check in with everyone’s feelings quarterly and make sure that they’re all still on the same page, addressing any issues and talking them out to avoid misunderstandings and resentment.

“I’d like to take a trip together,” Koyama shares from his loveseat, knees pulled up to his chest because he’s not attached to Tegoshi for once. “Even if it’s just for a day, I want to go somewhere with you all without cameras in our faces.”

“That sounds nice, but there will still be people around,” Shige says gently. He’s the one sitting next to Koyama, lifting a hand to stroke Koyama’s fluffy hair when the eldest sighs in defeat and leans his head on Shige’s shoulder. “That doesn’t mean we can’t go anywhere, of course, but it doesn’t matter if there are cameras or not, at least while we’re outside.”

“I’m running into something like that,” Massu speaks up. “I want to take you all places and do something _other_ than sit around one of our homes, but I don’t want to worry about how far I’m standing away and hold myself back from making physical contact that couldn’t be attributed to friendly affection.”

“To be fair, it’s too cold to really go anywhere right now,” Tegoshi points out, grabbing onto Massu’s hand because Massu is the one who has been graced with her lap presence today. “I guess I am used to home dates because I’ve always had to do it with the people I dated before. At least I can be seen in public with you guys!”

“That’s a good point,” Koyama says, though he’s still frowning. “I guess we will just have to keep being mindful about how we touch each other when we’re not behind closed doors. Tego, I thought you said this would be easier once the NEWS relationship energy wore off!”

“It’s easier to resist jumping each other,” Tegoshi clarifies, her voice vibrating Massu’s chest. “But we’re always gonna want to touch and be touched. That’s just our human nature, part of being attracted to someone. People who _don’t_ have to hide their relationships will usually make some kind of physical contact without thinking, regardless of how long they’ve been together.”

“Unfortunately, we _do_ have to think about it,” Shige adds, and now Massu’s the one frowning. “What kind of touching are we talking about, anyway? We’ve always hugged and made other types of innocent contact with each other, and not just for fan service.”

“Massu likes to hold hands,” Tegoshi announces, displaying their laced fingers for effect, and Massu nods his agreement. “I think since he doesn’t normally feel sexual desire toward us, his urge to snuggle and kiss is even greater. The rest of us can be satisfied with a good fuck, but Massu needs a different kind of stimulation.”

“Speak for yourself,” Shige calls over. “I’m even more clingy after sex. There’s no way we could go anywhere in public after I’ve been with one of you that way. My body will naturally gravitate toward whomever I was just intimate with.”

“That’s so sweet, Shige,” Koyama tells him, leaning up to press a kiss to Shige’s cheek. “I’m probably the same way. Tego might be the only one who can just get up and pretend like nothing happened after sex.”

“That’s not what I meant!” Tegoshi exclaims. “I’m talking about yearning for it when we’re in public. Kei-chan and Shige and me, we’ve had a lot of practice forcing down our urges because it’s not socially acceptable for us to do the things that we want to do, right? But Massu hasn’t really dealt with that until now, so it’s more difficult for him.”

Massu grunts noncommittally. “So, what you’re saying is that I have to learn how to control myself just like a sex-crazed man?”

“Yes,” Shige and Tegoshi reply in unison, and Massu rolls his eyes.

“Look at it this way,” Tegoshi goes on, rubbing gentle circles on his thumb with her own. “By the time the weather gets nicer and we want to do things outside, you may be more used to it and it will be easier for you.”

“Maybe,” Massu says evasively. “I really just like how it feels to have you close to me. The weight of your body, the touch of your skin, even things like feeling your heartbeat and breathing. I can’t really explain it, I just want it.”

There is silence for a beat, then both Koyama and Shige are getting to their feet and falling over each other to cross the short distance to the couch where Massu and Tegoshi are only taking up the center cushion. Koyama on one side and Shige on the other, both wrapping their arms around the other two and Massu starts from the abundance of physical contact all at once, closing his eyes to the overwhelming sensations.

“Sometimes, you just _say_ things,” Koyama gasps out, like he’s out of breath. “And it pierces right through my heart.”

“That sounds painful,” Massu jokes, and Koyama head-butts him in the chin much like the fluffy cat who’s been relocated to Koyama’s spare room for the evening. “I’m glad my feelings make sense to someone. I don’t understand them much myself, just that they’re _there_ and sometimes they’re a lot to handle.”

“That is completely normal,” Tegoshi tells him, easily adjusting to stretching across three laps instead of one. “If humans could tackle the complexity of love, we’d be invincible.”

That’s the last thing said for a long while, the four of them finding a comfortable position to sit together while Massu feels all of those things he’d mentioned times three. He reaches out for Koyama and Shige, pulling them even closer until Shige’s face is in his neck, soft puffs of air tickling his hairline.

“Ah,” he says out loud as a shudder courses through him, and both Koyama and Tegoshi make inquizitive noises while Shige jumps back like he’d been burned.

“Sorry,” he mutters, resting his head on Massu’s shoulder instead, and Massu considers the situation for a few seconds before he makes the active decision to change it.

“You don’t have to stop.”

That has Shige and Tegoshi lifting their heads, the former staring at Massu in disbelief while the latter looks between them and grins. Massu stretches out his neck in the most obvious invitation he can think of, so far that his head is resting on Koyama’s, and he’s about to tell Shige to get a move on when soft lips press against his skin, making a wet path up to his ear and down to his shoulder.

Koyama ducks out from under Massu’s head and stares right into his face, blinking curiously. “Does Taka want all of us, or just Shige?”

“All of you,” Massu mumbles, and no sooner are the words out of his mouth than Koyama’s on him, kissing him deeply. The arm that’s looped around Koyama’s waist tightens, fingers slipping under Koyama’s fuzzy sweater to feel the sharp angle of his hip.

Tegoshi straddles Massu’s lap and joins forces with Shige on his neck and collarbone, at least until they end up kissing each other and Massu whines at the loss of attention. Koyama takes over without opening his eyes, abandoning Massu’s mouth for his jaw and the sensitive skin behind his ear, and Tegoshi’s the one to moan when Massu’s hips give an involuntary cant upwards.

“Do you want me like we talked about on the phone the other day?” Koyama whispers in his ear, his voice pure sex and Massu’s already nodding before he fully processes the question. “Let’s move this to my bedroom and you can have me however you like.”

“I’m already here,” Tegoshi says, turning away from Shige to kiss Massu breathless. “Damn it, I knew I should have worn a skirt tonight.”

“Will you two slow down?” Shige calls over, his voice cracking a little at whatever he’s feeling right now. “We don’t have to rush to do it just because he said it’s okay.”

Massu arches from Koyama’s oral assault on his neck, which doesn’t really support Shige’s words that much. “I don’t want to choose,” he gets out.

“You have to,” Tegoshi says gently. “You can only have one of us at a time, unless you want Kei-chan or Shige to do you while you’re doing me, and I don’t know if you’re ready for that.”

“That sounds like a challenge,” Massu tells her, meeting both of her raised eyebrows with a determined expression. “Kei said that he wants me though.”

“I’ve thought about nothing else since our phone call,” Koyama hisses into his skin, and he must have told Tegoshi this time because she just smirks at them.

“Excuse both of you,” Shige begins, “but I haven’t had _any _of you inside me yet, and you’ve all had me. Logically, I should be the one to get it from Taka tonight.”

“’Logically’,” Koyama scoffs, and Tegoshi makes a mocking face. “You’re the only one who’s had sex with him!”

“That’s not the point—”

“That’s _exactly_ the point—”

“Stop fighting over me already!” Massu booms, cutting them all off in their various stages of bickering. “I’m not an old man, you know. I can go more than once. But I don’t like the arguing, and if you keep it up I’ll lose the mood completely and you can all fuck yourselves.”

“Sorry,” three voices mutter, followed by three sets of lips to various places above his shoulders.

“I’ve got a while to go before that happens anyway,” Massu tells them, squirming as Tegoshi’s hands slide under his hoodie. “I take longer to get going like this than you do. I want to, but not yet. I need you to touch me for a little while longer before we get there, okay?”

“Gladly,” Tegoshi mumbles, leaning forward to capture Massu’s lips once more as her fingers tug at the bottom of his hoodie. “Can I take this off?”

“Yeah,” Massu replies, and both Koyama and Shige help remove the bulky garment. He still has a T-shirt underneath, but his arms are exposed for Koyama’s nails to lightly trail up and down, which Massu quickly learns is another ‘on’ button he didn’t know about.

“Do you like this?” Koyama asks. Massu nods, and Koyama gently turns his arm to repeat the gesture along the inside.

Massu’s moan surprises himself as well as the three people pressed against him. Tegoshi kisses him again, luring out his tongue as she grinds down, and Massu tightens his grips on both Koyama and Shige’s waists since he can’t reach Tegoshi. Shige must pass it along, because Tegoshi suddenly slows down and whines his name, and Massu opens his eyes to find Shige’s hand firmly on Tegoshi’s hip, regulating her speed.

“Thanks, Shige,” Massu says gratefully, and now Shige’s the one brushing their lips together, slowly building up to a mind-blowing kiss. Massu’s mind is starting to get lost trying to keep track of who is where, but he wants to make sure they’re all involved and feeling as good as they’re making him feel.

The hand on Koyama’s waist lowers to the waistband of his pants and doesn’t stop, rubbing along the top of his thigh before bumping into a hard bulge. Koyama’s moan is muffled, likely by Tegoshi’s mouth, and Massu starts to pull away until Koyama’s hips give a sharp snap and Massu squeezes lightly, feeling Koyama stiffen even more in his hand.

Shige gasps into his mouth and Massu wonders what Tegoshi’s doing to him, using his other hand to feel around until he finds Tegoshi’s up Shige’s shirt. She’s playing with one of his nipples and Massu figures he may as well be helpful and flick the other one.

“Fuck you both,” Shige groans into their kiss, jerking from the stimulation, and Tegoshi giggles.

“You wish you could fuck us both,” Massu replies, his rare boldness returning from the way he’s teasing two of them at once.

“Shige can’t handle being in the middle either,” Tegoshi comments, and Massu tries not to laugh but fails, falling out of his kiss to find Koyama burying his face into Tegoshi’s neck from Massu’s fondling.

“Don’t leave me out,” Koyama says in this pitiful voice that has Massu struggling to open his pants one-handed. Koyama rushes to help and then his flesh is in Massu’s hand, hard and smooth as Massu coils his fingers around it and starts to stroke him properly.

Koyama’s next noise is beautiful, enough to demand Shige’s attention that doesn’t waver once he locks his eyes on Massu’s moving hand. Even when Tegoshi and Massu join forces yet again to pull Shige’s shirt over his head, he still goes back to watching Koyama get jerked off the second the fabric clears his eyes.

“Shige really likes dick,” Tegoshi explains, dodging Shige’s aimless swat at her. “I bet he’s thinking about sucking off Kei-chan right now.”

“Kei-chan is fine with that,” Koyama gasps out, thrusting into Massu’s grip at the thought.

“I bet you are,” Shige says dryly. “Too bad you are all the way over there.”

Massu expects it before it happens, but it still feels like a giant dog is crawling over all three of them as Koyama makes his way to Shige’s lap, where he leans up to push down his pants some more and Shige grabs his hips with both hands to keep him right where he is.

It does look more convenient for Shige to just lean forward and take Koyama’s cock into his mouth, though Koyama’s already struggling to kneel upright before he’s even all the way in. Massu watches in mild awe as Koyama threads both hands into Shige’s hair, not really guiding him so much as holding on while Shige moves his head back and forth on his own.

“Shige’s _really_ good at that,” Tegoshi tells Massu, who just keeps staring. “Will you play with me now?”

That has Massu turning his attention back to Tegoshi, who’s pouting at him until he pulls her bottom lip out of her mouth with his teeth. He kisses her harder than he means to, but she gives it right back and his hands end up under both of her thighs to rock up against her.

“I want you now,” Massu tells her, fingers lingering on her waistband because he’s not sure what to do from here. “Will you help me get you ready for me?”

“Absolutely,” Tegoshi answers, looking elated as she hops up long enough to retrieve her bag. She grabs a huge tube of lube, placing it on the couch cushion that nobody’s using and shimmying out of her pants. “I don’t have any condoms, but Shige might. I don’t care if you use one. I like feeling come inside me.”

Massu feels turned on and disgusted at the same time, which is such a strange paradox that he just focuses on taking off his pants instead of trying to understand it. “As long as you like it...” he trails off, eyeing the lube like it’s going to magically appear on his fingers if he wills it to.

Close enough as Tegoshi retrieves the bottle and coats three of Massu’s fingers liberally, then pushes his hand behind her balls. “Don’t think too hard about it,” she whispers. “Just let my body tell you where to go.”

Massu starts to open his mouth to ask how, then figures it’s better to kiss Tegoshi instead, sliding their tongues together to distract him from the reality of what he’s doing between her legs. He finds the twitching hole easily enough, which has her gasping into his mouth and clinging to his arms, and he figures out what she had meant when she pushes back and nearly takes his fingertip inside her without any active effort on his part.

He’s probably gentler than he needs to be considering how often she does this with Koyama, but he doesn’t want to be rough with her. Besides, it’s nice to feel how much she wants him by the ferocity with which she practically fucks herself on his fingers, just one at first and then two, doing his best to stretch her by spreading them apart and bending his knuckles until he finds a spot that has Tegoshi’s entire body shudder on top of him.

“Right there, Massu,” Tegoshi hisses needlessly, tearing her mouth away to pant into his shoulder. “Remember that spot so you can fuck me there.”

Massu groans low in his throat, loud enough to earn the attention of the pair next to him. Koyama’s thrusting into Shige’s mouth, which Shige doesn’t seem to mind one bit with the way he’s holding Koyama by the ass and swallowing down his cock over and over. Once they notice that Tegoshi’s bouncing up and down on Massu’s fingers, Shige pulls off and now he’s staring at Massu’s erection resting against his belly, patiently waiting for Tegoshi to take it.

“Aww, I guess Tego can go first,” Koyama says sadly, and Tegoshi grins at him. “She finishes fast anyway.”

“It’s true, I do.” Tegoshi blindly reaches over to grab a fistfull of Koyama’s shirt, pulling him into a sloppy kiss as she quickens her pace like she’s already riding Massu. “I’ve been waiting for this for so long that I doubt I’ll last long at all. If Massu’s still going, then Kei-chan can have a turn.”

Massu feels like he should protest at being passed around like a cigarette, but he can’t bring himself to mind enough to voice it. Instead, he pushes a third finger into Tegoshi, which has her practically growling into Koyama’s mouth as her rhythm gets faster and more clumsy.

“Massu,” Tegoshi says, resting her hand gently on the arm that’s pistoning inside her. “I’m ready whenever you are.”

Fire-hot arousal courses through Massu’s veins as he pulls out his fingers and takes his own cock in hand. “Go ahead, Yuuko.”

Her face softens at the use of her preferred name, at least until she scoots up his lap and hovers over his cock. “Don’t hold back,” she whispers as she starts to sink down. “Fuck me like you want to.”

Massu’s already moaning before he’s all the way in, her body tight around him from base to tip. Her thighs meet his and she settles with her feet planted firmly on either side of him, both hands gripping the back of the couch to keep her steady as she starts to move. Massu can’t do much but sit there, though his hips move on their own to thrust upwards each time she rocks down, pressing his face into her shoulder as he wraps both arms around her to hold on for what will undoubtedly be a wild ride.

“Massu feels so good,” Tegoshi says into his neck, and Massu can feel her shudder again when the tip of his cock grazes that spot. “I wanna feel you pounding inside me as I come.”

Massu thinks Tegoshi’s doing a good enough job of that herself, but he reciprocates anyway, pushing up into her and holding her close as he can as she keeps tightening around him. He should probably slow down if he wants to last long enough for Koyama to get a turn, but all he needs is a short break to go again, and besides the words “slow down” aren’t in Tegoshi Yuuko’s vocabulary.

Then she’s urging one of his hands away from her hips and around her hard cock. “I was going to make one of them do it, but Shige’s preparing Kei-chan for you and Kei-chan is useless when he’s getting fingered. Please make me come?”

It’s such an innocent tone containing such filthy words that Massu’s fingers wrap around her on their own, pulling a shrill moan from her lungs as he start to flick his wrist. She moves even faster and Massu chokes on his next breath, struggling to keep up both actions until she jolts on top of him, screaming his name loud enough to resound in his ears as she spurts in his hand and comes all over him.

He must be making an interesting face, because Tegoshi laughs when she opens her eyes and shoves the soiled T-shirt over his head. “Kei-chan will wash it for you,” she says softly, and Massu feels a little better as she leans in for a kiss.

“My turn?” Koyama asks, looking so hopeful that Massu’s glad he hadn’t finished yet. “Do you want me to ride you too, Taka? Or we can do it face to face, like you wanted before.”

Massu turns to Shige, who’s flushed and heaving from whatever he’s been doing with Koyama. “I don’t know if I’ll last long enough for you too,” Massu tells him apologetically.

“It’s fine,” Shige says with a bright smile that has Massu feeling better about this. “You and I have all the time in the world to do that. Give it to Kei now. Come get cleaned up, princess.”

Tegoshi gingerly relocates to Shige’s lap and they kiss lazily while he plucks some tissues from Koyama’s end table to wipe her down. It’s such a nice sight that Massu’s startled when Koyama jumps up and reaches out his hand, which Massu accepts without a thought. Then he’s pulled to his feet and guided down the hall past a closed door where little white paws poke out underneath, followed by faint mewls.

“Just a little longer, baby,” Koyama calls out to his pet. “I’ll let you out as soon as we’re done touching Shige. He gets sick if we touch him after we touch you.”

“There is no way she understands you,” Massu points out, but Koyama just shrugs.

“She hears the soothing tone of my voice and that’s good enough,” Koyama tells him. “Now please throw me down onto my bed.”

“Okay, but...” Massu looks from Koyama half-dressed to his messy bed that he hadn’t bothered to make after rolling out of it this morning, down to his own erection that seems out of place right now. “You might have to get me going again. I kind of lost the mood after Tegoshi was done.”

“That’s fine,” Koyama says, and Massu gives him a grateful look before grabbing him by both arms and shoving him backwards onto the bed, watching his face take on a look of surprise as he bounces a little on the mattress. “_Taka_.”

“I follow directions very well,” Massu tells him, taking his time crawling on top of him. “Hi.”

“Hi,” Koyama replies with a lazy smile as he lifts his hand to drift along the underside of Massu’s arm again. “Is this still good?”

“Yeah,” Massu answers, the word coming out as a breath, which he immediately chokes on when Koyama’s hand is joined with the other and they’re _both_ running down his sides. “Ah, Kei.”

“Yes?” Koyama replies, as facetious as this one can be as his nails continue around his hips, thighs, and back up his chest. “Would you like something from me, Takahisa?”

Massu’s whole body jerks when Koyama lightly passes over a nipple, catching his words in his throat. Instead, he leans down to press their mouths together, the heat within him growing with every flick of Koyama’s tongue along his, and he makes it until his cock bumps Koyama’s before he’s back to where he was on the couch.

“Okay, I’m good,” Massu says, and Koyama grins as he lets out a little cheer. “I should wear a condom, right? Since I was just with Tegoshi.”

“I know where she’s been,” Koyama says with a wink. “If you want to wear one, I’ll go get you one, but it’s fine if you don’t.”

“You are all freaks,” Massu mutters as he leans in for another kiss, easily settling between Koyama’s long legs that wrap around his waist. “Do I just do it? Or do you need more prep?”

“I won’t turn down an opportunity to have your fingers inside me,” Koyama replies, arching as Massu starts to make his way behind Koyama’s balls. “But Shige did a good job. His fingers are very dexterous from typing so much.”

“Is that so,” Massu says absently as he finds the ring of muscle with a good amount of lube around it. He likes the noise Koyama makes at the first contact, so he decides that a little extra stretching won’t hurt, pushing two fingers in and out a few times before he gets in a third.

“Your fingers are bigger than his,” Koyama breathes out, and Massu feels a little like Koyama had just said his _cock_ was bigger as his ego makes an rare appearance and swells. “_Oh_, Taka, I want you so badly. Whenever you’re ready, please fuck me.”

“I’m ready,” Massu says, pulling out his fingers while Koyama lifts his knees as high as they will go. “Here I go.”

It’s such a dumb thing to say, but then he’s entering Koyama’s body and he doesn’t care about anything but feeling that suffocating heat again. This position gives him much more mobility, hips gradually building speed as Koyama’s body adjusts to him, and Koyama manages to give a little back even while folded like a pretzel.

“Are you two—oh, you are,” Tegoshi’s voice sounds from the doorway. “Shall we leave you alone?”

Massu shakes his head, which Koyama translates into speech and two more weights dip onto Koyama’s bed. This time Massu doesn’t care about being watched, only Koyama’s body beneath him and the low moans that fuel him to go faster, harder, deeper.

A hand rests in the middle of Massu’s sweaty back and he knows it’s Shige’s, mostly because Tegoshi has stretched out next to Koyama, playing with his hair while Massu pounds him into the mattress. Both of Massu’s hands had been holding onto Koyama’s thighs, but he peels one of them away to reach out for Shige, desperate for affection since Koyama is so far away.

“Hey,” Shige says, draping himself over Massu’s shoulders that only jerk a bit as he thrusts. “Did you decide to be in the middle after all? I wouldn’t let Tegoshi get me off just in case you wanted it.”

“No,” Massu gets out. “I just want...to feel you.”

“Here I am,” Shige whispers, pressing his lips to the back of Massu’s neck. “You gonna come for us?”

“But Kei...” Massu starts, then focuses enough to see Tegoshi’s hand flying up and down Koyama’s cock. They’re kissing heatedly, their mouths open enough for Massu to see their tongues swirling together, drowning out Koyama’s noises that Massu had been relying on to finish.

“He’s taken care of,” Shige says needlessly, his hands wandering around Massu’s torso in a way that’s just as pleasant as the stimulation from moving inside Koyama. “What can I do to make you come?”

“I’m close,” Massu gasps. “Keep touching me.”

“As you wish,” Shige murmurs, and there’s nothing sarcastic about his tone as he flattens his hands up Massu’s chest and down his arms. It’s less than half of the speed of his hips and twice as hot, his orgasm looming in the distance while Koyama starts to shudder beneath him.

“Scratch your nails down my back,” he hisses out, crying out when Shige does exactly that, his entire world knocking off its axis as he comes so hard he blacks out for several very long seconds.

When he comes to, it’s in time to see Koyama release onto his chest, which Tegoshi immediately leans down to lick up. Massu watches her until she looks up and notices him, then he leans forward to kiss her and taste for himself.

“That is so fucking hot,” Shige says, squealing in surprise when Massu turns right around to share it with him.

He doesn’t let up right away, holding Shige close while gently pulling out of Koyama, and all it takes is one bump of Shige’s erection against Massu’s hip for Massu to reach down and take him in hand, stroking him firmly while Shige’s body rushes to thrust into his hand.

“Make him come on me,” Koyama calls out, and Massu turns Shige enough to aim for Koyama’s chest.

“Oh, god,” Shige growls, clutching onto Massu like he was fucking something else, and Massu feels a small pang of regret for not letting Shige inside him again. As it is, Shige probably wouldn’t have made it long enough to be worth the prep, already shuddering in Massu’s hold while Massu watches his own hand squeezing Shige’s hard flesh from base to tip.

“Come, Shige,” Tegoshi says in her sweet voice, and like he’d been waiting for the command Shige groans and lets go, joining the mess already on Koyama’s chest as instructed.

Naturally, Tegoshi licks that up too, though she shares with Koyama before leaning up to kiss Massu. Massu notices that she’s hard again and gives her an incredulous look, but Tegoshi just shakes her head as she curls up next to Koyama and gently cleans him.

There isn’t enough room for both Massu and Shige on Koyama’s other side, so Massu pulls Shige down on top of him, groaning softly at the pressure stimulation from the weight of his body. The four of them lie like that for a couple minutes, catching their breaths and lowering their heart rates, until Milk _screeches_ from across the hall and Massu can practically see Koyama’s heart break.

“We should just do this at my place,” Tegoshi says, and the others make varying noises of agreement.

*

2020 brings forth a new year and much of the same old. Everyone in Japan is stoked about the Olympics, including Tegoshi, and Massu’s life returns to chaotic normal.

He doesn’t get a winter drama, for which he’s incredibly grateful, but Koyama gets a supporting role in one. Another airhead character known for his body and not much else, but Koyama’s not mad at that. He’s happy that people still want to see him naked at thirty-five.

Massu can think of two people who do that regularly, another one periodically. He still doesn’t understand how allosexuals want to have sex all the time, especially since he needs a few days of downtime every time he does it. It’s almost not worth the tiny bit of affection he gets while one of them is inside the other; he would much rather do other sex things where they can hug and kiss while they get each other off.

He finds a compromise the next time he’s with Shige. They had been watching TV, well Shige had been watching TV while Massu cuddled him from behind on Shige’s couch, not bothering to keep his hands to himself while Shige rubbed his ass back against him until he got hard. With lube and condoms in reach, it was easy for Massu to stretch Shige open without changing their positions, then all he had to do was loop his arm around Shige’s leg as he moved inside him.

It’s much more enjoyable to watch Shige’s face scrunch up in front of his, head leaning back onto his shoulder each time he hit the right spot, and his hand was already in the right place to wrap around Shige’s cock and make him come, though Shige had to correct him a few times until Massu learned what he likes.

Around the middle of January, NEWS gets another single, and it’s much easier to work together now that Massu’s not touch starved. That doesn’t stop him from lounging on Shige and carrying Tegoshi princess-style during the making of, because the best fan service is real affection.

They agree to a four-way date outside of the usual monthly meeting, but only because it’s dinner with Koyama’s whole family. His mother and sister are both open-minded, though his brother in law keeps giving them side eyes and doesn’t really talk much. The kids have gotten so big—Haru is a _teenager_ now—and Massu’s heart swells at how happy Koyama is to be surrounded by everyone he loves, almost crying when Shige helps Miki-san in the kitchen and Tegoshi kicks around an inflatable ball with Anne.

“Please take care of my baby brother,” Miki-san tells all three of them when they pack up to leave, and Massu feels a little sniffly himself.

Tegoshi has a bad night after one of their performances, and Massu has never felt so close to her until he held her for two straight hours while she yelled and cried about everything she couldn’t control. He’d risen from a dead sleep to drive across town and tend to her, but so had Koyama and Shige, the four of them piled in Tegoshi’s bed for the first time.

“We probably need to adjust her meds again,” Koyama says quietly after Tegoshi finally exhausts herself to sleep, clinging to Emma while the other three cling to her.

“What we need to do is make the world a less shitty place,” Shige grumbles, and Koyama gives him a sad look. “Upping a dosage is probably easier though.”

“I’m really glad we’re all doing this,” Massu blurts out, because he feels it in his heart and— “I don’t think I would have experienced such raw emotions otherwise. I know Tegoshi doesn’t feel too good right now, but I’m usually useless at this kind of thing and just being here was enough to be helpful. I love you all so much right now.”

Koyama and Shige both lean in for a hug, and he exchanges kisses with them both before all three of them lean down to kiss Tegoshi’s face. She stirs in her sleep, and after a few seconds of slow breathing, finally smiles.

In the days leading up to their actual meeting, Massu tries everything in his power to turn himself on. He listens to sexy music, reacquaints himself with his body in the shower, and wears jeans that properly fit him for the first time in over a decade. He replays his memories of all of their sexual encounters, and while he can’t really emulate the feeling in his mind, it’s enough to have his nerves on edge when he shows up at Tegoshi’s place.

He stops short when he sees a stack of board games on Tegoshi’s dining table. “Seriously?”

“I’m seriously going to kick your ass in Catan,” Tegoshi greets him, rushing him through the door with a swift kiss to the cheek. “Nice jeans.”

“We always end up having sex when the four of us are together like this,” Koyama explains to Massu’s undoubtedly bewildered face. “We thought that if actually planned an activity instead of lazing around touching each other, we might at least put it off for a few hours.”

“You say that, and you were already thinking of ‘strip Catan’ rules when I got here,” Shige teases.

“Aren’t there trades in Catan?” Massu asks, switching gears enough to ignite his competitive side. “House rules usually dictate that you can trade for _anything_, including sexual favors.”

“Not _my _house rules,” Tegoshi says firmly. “We play by the book here.”

Massu raises his eyebrows, and Tegoshi raises hers right back.

“First one to flip the table has to do a striptease,” Koyama calls out, and Shige points out that that’s not really a punishment for Tegoshi.

Massu pops his neck as he sets up his pieces (the yellow ones, of course) and plans his strategy. He may end up naked and sweaty with all three of them later, but for right now, game on.


End file.
